skull_bearer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
skull_bearer) wrote2007-07-21 07:01 pm
skull_bearer) wrote2007-07-21 07:01 pm
Entry tags:
The Apotterlypse
The night was pretty fun. I got interviewed by a dozen newchannels, one of them Swiss, and I answered everything in character. I was Lord Voldemort, of course, and I hope I'll get the pictures up soon. As for the book...
Was one rather large WTF. Not a bad, WTF, mind you. I would go as far as to say a good WTF, but a WTF nevertheless. There so many deux ex machinas that it made your head spin, and frankly, JKR should have mentioned the Hallows a long time before this, considering that they're as central to the story as the Horocuxes. As it was, I could see no real purpose for them being there since the story could have functioned pretty well without them. Also, they only served to complicate the book to the point where I was constantly wondering what was going on.
The other thing it was, as well as WTF, was an exposition dump. I mean an exposition dump a mile high. All this otherwise useless info on Dumbles and Snapey (who luwed Lily sooo much. Ick) It was incredibly confusing and while it didn't precisely clog up the story, it did make it harder to follow.
To my surprise, other than that, the book pleasently surprised me. JKR did actually manage to write a half-way decent quest story and the character dynamics between Harry/Ron/Hermione surprised me. The parts with them in hiding were actually really good. Okay, not much stuff was going on, but the sense of being utterly helpless while the world went to hell was palpable, and I loved it. I found I could accept the relationships far better in this book than the sixth (Remus/Tonks is still unspeakably hideous, but is redeemed by the fact they both apparently died at the end. I missed this while reading due to all the other stuff). Harry/Ginny was okay, mostly because it wasn't there, and Ron/Hermione actually looked good.
In fact, this book makes me realise just how useless book six was. It was filler because JKR really didn't know what else to write. I believe she did know how the books would end (which is all the more annoying because she could have dropped hints about the Hallows before this). With a few tweaks (Dumble's death and all) the story could have jumped easily from book five to book seven. The Tom Riddle exposition was pretty uniformly useless, which riles me to no end. They fuck with my favourite character's storyline for no good reason???
The big surprises were... not so surprising. RAB was Regulus Black, Snape was on Dumble's side all along and Harry was a Horocrux. I'm not too pleased by the last two, to say the least.
The magical creatures storyline was actually fairly well covered, which surprised me and makes HBP even more stupid. It had no real conclusion, but it was more than I was expecting. Slytherins, on the other hand, are still teh EBIL!!! Which I am not happy about, to say the least.
And, JKR? You broke Godwin's law about a million times in the Ministry chapter alone. If you can't find any better examples of evil, then you really shouldn't be writing. The pamphlet alone made me want to stop reading and if Hilter was alive he'd be taking you to court over copyrights.
Harry: Well done for actually being a sympathetic character in this one, which make me wonder what crawled up your arse in HBP. Maybe because there were no Slytherins for you to fuck with. Your crazy anger's pretty much gone, which did a lot to endear me to you. Your mooning over Ginny would have been better if we knew what it was you were missing. One the other hand, WTF was that with those dreams? Didn't Sirius' death teach you anything? It would have served you right if they'd led you straight off the edge of a cliff. But they didn't, because Voldemort didn't know you were seeing him (which makes for bad plotting) because It's In The Story!
And to add insult to injury, you're a Horocrux and you didn't fucking well die. Instead we had to watch you and Ginny have a happily ever after epilogue. I hate you.
Ron: It would have been nice if we could have seen something more of your growing up beyond you using and throwing away a random girl. It would have been nice, because I rather like you in this one. You've had some sense knocked into you, and appreciate Hermione enough for me to see it as a viable pairing. I can't believe your mother gave Harry a family heirloom for his coming of age rather than you. It made your temptation-via-Horocrux much more believable though.
Hermione: Thank you for having someone knock you off your high horse in your constant disbelief. Your sneering over Luna were really rich coming from someone who grew up muggle. Also, you mind-warped your parents into believing they were completely different people and sent them off to Australia. You said it was for their own safety but I doubt you consulted them. That's okay though, because they're muggles. And we're supposed to think Voldemort's Third Reich is supposed to be better. I now think your personality in book five was probably a fluke, since you were little better than in book six now, if rather nicer to Ron. I'd care, but I've never been all that invested in you so hey.
Other Weasleys:
Arthur: I don't ;like you, never have, but you're not too jarring in this one.
Molly: You are horrible. Bellatrix should have killed you.
Bill: You and Fleur were as annoying as you weren't in the last book. Go away.
Charlie: Barely there, but hey, you did okay.
Percy: You shouldn't have come crawling back. Come back, fight the DEs, but stand up for your choices. Grovelling won't get you anywhere. No idea why you wanted to come back so badly anyway.
Fred: You're dead, hah. Several generations of Slytherins rejoice. You don't deserve Percy's pity.
George: The gruesome twosome is no more. Thank the Dark Lord.
Ginny: You were hardly there, and super!Ginny seems to have disappeared as quickly as it appeared. You were okay, I guess.
Luna Lovegood: Oh my, I love you. This was the character I'd been missing since book five. Not subservient to the Golden trio, you were a force of your own. Your father was wonderful and I'm glad you both made it out in one piece.
Neville: like just about everyone, you suffered from the purgatory of HBP, your character was as tough and hardy as you were in OotP, but having faded into the background in HBP, your sudden return was jarring. But not unwelcome. We all missed you, welcome back.
Hagrid: You were a lot less annoying in this book, probably because you weren't responsible for any majoy fuck-ups. When I thought you died at the beginning I was all 'Yay!', but when it got to the end of the book and it looked as though you'd died, I was a bit 'Aw, shame'.
That doesn't mean I didn't appreciate the irony of you being beaten up by your spiders.
Grawp: You have absolutely no place in this series. You are completely unneccesary. Go away.
Kreatcher: Although I don't like you 'coming over to the light' on general principle, the way it was done was actually acceptable. That Harry had to accept that his godfather was an arsehat is a something I will cherish for a long time.
Various Goblins: Not sure how neccessary you really were, but I see your point of view, and it doesn't help that Potter was planning to double-cross you. Damn you for keeping a dragon tied up *calls RSPCA*
Snape: You were hardly there, and when you were, you were pathetic. I'm assuming that this was some kind of doppleganger you imperioed and polyjuiced into taking your place while you were lording it up in the tropics. Again, I would be more pissed if I actually cared about your character. I was hoping you'd turn out evil so I could watch the fandom explode, and your unrequited lub for Lily was frankly nauseating.
Lily: Mary-sue *takes out flamethrower*
James: You were barely mentioned, thank the Dark Lord.
Dumbledore: How can you take up so much pagetime when you aren't even here? Your exposition drop left a nasty tase in my mouth, and makes your neglect of Tom Riddle even more unforgivable. You knew what he was going through, and yet you abandoned him, knowing full well what would happen. Then there was that hidious afterlife showing... you aren't sorry at all, are you. You doomed a pupil, someone who you were responsible for, to this fate, a fate which ended the lives of dozens of people, and you can't see yourself as being remotely responsible. I didn't think I could possibly hate you more than I did, but I do now. And just when Harry realises that he's been a tool the entire time, you reach out from beyond the grave to coerce him back into your fangroup. Not kosher.
And you ban books, just for that, I'd have kedavra-ed you myself.
Malfoys: I liked you, for all you were barely there. Draco should have gotten the Elder wand. Despite that the Elder wand shouldn't have been there. *gag* Good work in coming out of there alive.
Death Eaters: You were scary, which is wierd considering that a bunch of kids laid the smackdown on you not long ago. But you were cool, and kudos on crushing the wizarding world.
And finally...
Lord Voldemort.
I've never made any bones of the fact that you're my favourite character, but this book truely drove home why. I'm ignoring JKR's Godwin violations, because I've never seen you as particularly Muggle hating. Tom Riddle yes, but I've never seen you say anything incredibly anti-muggle in the books before this one, and even in this one, it's pretty minimal in comparison to your followers.
You have more screentime in this book than any other the others, even HBP, and it's made even better because it's good screentime. We get to see you searching for the deus ex machinas and laying the smackdown on everyone who gets in your way. You're calm, collected, cool and so damn sexy I just want to throw you down and ravish you.
You show some real feeling that was bizarrely lacking in the previous books, you care for Nagini, and I can see you really hated killing Snape. Yet you didn't let that stop you. You're ruthless and tough and hardcore, and Salazar would be proud of having such a descendant. You really don't like killing wizards and I can't count the number of times you tried to get the other side to just surrender and stop dying. You attitude on magical creatures is a bit contradictory, for one thing, you're one yourself and obviously don't mind them joining your cause (giants and werewolves and dementors), but then again you aren't too nice to the goblins. Maybe you just don't like goblins. I can see why.
I love you so, so much. I wanted you to have a good death, but honestly, after this book, even if you had, I wouldn't have cared. You shouldn't have died. You just shouldn't. There ought to be a law against it.
I thought I'd braced myself for your death, but obviously I was in denial.
But as you know, I have a good idea of what's happened to you after your death. You're far too clever a fellow to stay down, aren't you? Even in hell, you keep your mind and senses. No amount of devils and demons can stop you when you've set your mind to something, and I'm sure the 'Dark Lord' section of hell will never be quite the same after that mad breakout you staged. I hope you and your fellows have a good time now you're back in the multiverse, although I'd advise against heading back to the wizarding world. I know the banishment clause is a hundred years, but you're Lord Voldemort! You'll find a way around it if you want to. I think you shouldn't, personally, the multiverse is a wide and many-splendoured place and even if it means learning a completely new branch of magic and uprooting yourself from that's familiar... I know, and I think you do too, that the rewards will be more than worth it. Besides, you're already dead! What can you possibly fear?
I hope you have fun, and it'll be worth it, you'll see. Just don't piss off anyone called Raistlin Majere, okay?
With all the love that I possess,
Skull Bearer.
The other thing it was, as well as WTF, was an exposition dump. I mean an exposition dump a mile high. All this otherwise useless info on Dumbles and Snapey (who luwed Lily sooo much. Ick) It was incredibly confusing and while it didn't precisely clog up the story, it did make it harder to follow.
To my surprise, other than that, the book pleasently surprised me. JKR did actually manage to write a half-way decent quest story and the character dynamics between Harry/Ron/Hermione surprised me. The parts with them in hiding were actually really good. Okay, not much stuff was going on, but the sense of being utterly helpless while the world went to hell was palpable, and I loved it. I found I could accept the relationships far better in this book than the sixth (Remus/Tonks is still unspeakably hideous, but is redeemed by the fact they both apparently died at the end. I missed this while reading due to all the other stuff). Harry/Ginny was okay, mostly because it wasn't there, and Ron/Hermione actually looked good.
In fact, this book makes me realise just how useless book six was. It was filler because JKR really didn't know what else to write. I believe she did know how the books would end (which is all the more annoying because she could have dropped hints about the Hallows before this). With a few tweaks (Dumble's death and all) the story could have jumped easily from book five to book seven. The Tom Riddle exposition was pretty uniformly useless, which riles me to no end. They fuck with my favourite character's storyline for no good reason???
The big surprises were... not so surprising. RAB was Regulus Black, Snape was on Dumble's side all along and Harry was a Horocrux. I'm not too pleased by the last two, to say the least.
The magical creatures storyline was actually fairly well covered, which surprised me and makes HBP even more stupid. It had no real conclusion, but it was more than I was expecting. Slytherins, on the other hand, are still teh EBIL!!! Which I am not happy about, to say the least.
And, JKR? You broke Godwin's law about a million times in the Ministry chapter alone. If you can't find any better examples of evil, then you really shouldn't be writing. The pamphlet alone made me want to stop reading and if Hilter was alive he'd be taking you to court over copyrights.
Harry: Well done for actually being a sympathetic character in this one, which make me wonder what crawled up your arse in HBP. Maybe because there were no Slytherins for you to fuck with. Your crazy anger's pretty much gone, which did a lot to endear me to you. Your mooning over Ginny would have been better if we knew what it was you were missing. One the other hand, WTF was that with those dreams? Didn't Sirius' death teach you anything? It would have served you right if they'd led you straight off the edge of a cliff. But they didn't, because Voldemort didn't know you were seeing him (which makes for bad plotting) because It's In The Story!
And to add insult to injury, you're a Horocrux and you didn't fucking well die. Instead we had to watch you and Ginny have a happily ever after epilogue. I hate you.
Ron: It would have been nice if we could have seen something more of your growing up beyond you using and throwing away a random girl. It would have been nice, because I rather like you in this one. You've had some sense knocked into you, and appreciate Hermione enough for me to see it as a viable pairing. I can't believe your mother gave Harry a family heirloom for his coming of age rather than you. It made your temptation-via-Horocrux much more believable though.
Hermione: Thank you for having someone knock you off your high horse in your constant disbelief. Your sneering over Luna were really rich coming from someone who grew up muggle. Also, you mind-warped your parents into believing they were completely different people and sent them off to Australia. You said it was for their own safety but I doubt you consulted them. That's okay though, because they're muggles. And we're supposed to think Voldemort's Third Reich is supposed to be better. I now think your personality in book five was probably a fluke, since you were little better than in book six now, if rather nicer to Ron. I'd care, but I've never been all that invested in you so hey.
Other Weasleys:
Arthur: I don't ;like you, never have, but you're not too jarring in this one.
Molly: You are horrible. Bellatrix should have killed you.
Bill: You and Fleur were as annoying as you weren't in the last book. Go away.
Charlie: Barely there, but hey, you did okay.
Percy: You shouldn't have come crawling back. Come back, fight the DEs, but stand up for your choices. Grovelling won't get you anywhere. No idea why you wanted to come back so badly anyway.
Fred: You're dead, hah. Several generations of Slytherins rejoice. You don't deserve Percy's pity.
George: The gruesome twosome is no more. Thank the Dark Lord.
Ginny: You were hardly there, and super!Ginny seems to have disappeared as quickly as it appeared. You were okay, I guess.
Luna Lovegood: Oh my, I love you. This was the character I'd been missing since book five. Not subservient to the Golden trio, you were a force of your own. Your father was wonderful and I'm glad you both made it out in one piece.
Neville: like just about everyone, you suffered from the purgatory of HBP, your character was as tough and hardy as you were in OotP, but having faded into the background in HBP, your sudden return was jarring. But not unwelcome. We all missed you, welcome back.
Hagrid: You were a lot less annoying in this book, probably because you weren't responsible for any majoy fuck-ups. When I thought you died at the beginning I was all 'Yay!', but when it got to the end of the book and it looked as though you'd died, I was a bit 'Aw, shame'.
That doesn't mean I didn't appreciate the irony of you being beaten up by your spiders.
Grawp: You have absolutely no place in this series. You are completely unneccesary. Go away.
Kreatcher: Although I don't like you 'coming over to the light' on general principle, the way it was done was actually acceptable. That Harry had to accept that his godfather was an arsehat is a something I will cherish for a long time.
Various Goblins: Not sure how neccessary you really were, but I see your point of view, and it doesn't help that Potter was planning to double-cross you. Damn you for keeping a dragon tied up *calls RSPCA*
Snape: You were hardly there, and when you were, you were pathetic. I'm assuming that this was some kind of doppleganger you imperioed and polyjuiced into taking your place while you were lording it up in the tropics. Again, I would be more pissed if I actually cared about your character. I was hoping you'd turn out evil so I could watch the fandom explode, and your unrequited lub for Lily was frankly nauseating.
Lily: Mary-sue *takes out flamethrower*
James: You were barely mentioned, thank the Dark Lord.
Dumbledore: How can you take up so much pagetime when you aren't even here? Your exposition drop left a nasty tase in my mouth, and makes your neglect of Tom Riddle even more unforgivable. You knew what he was going through, and yet you abandoned him, knowing full well what would happen. Then there was that hidious afterlife showing... you aren't sorry at all, are you. You doomed a pupil, someone who you were responsible for, to this fate, a fate which ended the lives of dozens of people, and you can't see yourself as being remotely responsible. I didn't think I could possibly hate you more than I did, but I do now. And just when Harry realises that he's been a tool the entire time, you reach out from beyond the grave to coerce him back into your fangroup. Not kosher.
And you ban books, just for that, I'd have kedavra-ed you myself.
Malfoys: I liked you, for all you were barely there. Draco should have gotten the Elder wand. Despite that the Elder wand shouldn't have been there. *gag* Good work in coming out of there alive.
Death Eaters: You were scary, which is wierd considering that a bunch of kids laid the smackdown on you not long ago. But you were cool, and kudos on crushing the wizarding world.
And finally...
Lord Voldemort.
I've never made any bones of the fact that you're my favourite character, but this book truely drove home why. I'm ignoring JKR's Godwin violations, because I've never seen you as particularly Muggle hating. Tom Riddle yes, but I've never seen you say anything incredibly anti-muggle in the books before this one, and even in this one, it's pretty minimal in comparison to your followers.
You have more screentime in this book than any other the others, even HBP, and it's made even better because it's good screentime. We get to see you searching for the deus ex machinas and laying the smackdown on everyone who gets in your way. You're calm, collected, cool and so damn sexy I just want to throw you down and ravish you.
You show some real feeling that was bizarrely lacking in the previous books, you care for Nagini, and I can see you really hated killing Snape. Yet you didn't let that stop you. You're ruthless and tough and hardcore, and Salazar would be proud of having such a descendant. You really don't like killing wizards and I can't count the number of times you tried to get the other side to just surrender and stop dying. You attitude on magical creatures is a bit contradictory, for one thing, you're one yourself and obviously don't mind them joining your cause (giants and werewolves and dementors), but then again you aren't too nice to the goblins. Maybe you just don't like goblins. I can see why.
I love you so, so much. I wanted you to have a good death, but honestly, after this book, even if you had, I wouldn't have cared. You shouldn't have died. You just shouldn't. There ought to be a law against it.
I thought I'd braced myself for your death, but obviously I was in denial.
But as you know, I have a good idea of what's happened to you after your death. You're far too clever a fellow to stay down, aren't you? Even in hell, you keep your mind and senses. No amount of devils and demons can stop you when you've set your mind to something, and I'm sure the 'Dark Lord' section of hell will never be quite the same after that mad breakout you staged. I hope you and your fellows have a good time now you're back in the multiverse, although I'd advise against heading back to the wizarding world. I know the banishment clause is a hundred years, but you're Lord Voldemort! You'll find a way around it if you want to. I think you shouldn't, personally, the multiverse is a wide and many-splendoured place and even if it means learning a completely new branch of magic and uprooting yourself from that's familiar... I know, and I think you do too, that the rewards will be more than worth it. Besides, you're already dead! What can you possibly fear?
I hope you have fun, and it'll be worth it, you'll see. Just don't piss off anyone called Raistlin Majere, okay?
With all the love that I possess,
Skull Bearer.