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2017-10-18 04:29 pm

Finally finished the next part of Sex, Love and Robotics

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Involving Extremis, KIllian, and Tony having a Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Week.
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2017-10-18 01:34 pm

knightinironarmor:can’t wait until five years

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knightinironarmor:

can’t wait until five years from now when we’ll hopefully be looking back on this website’s current disturbing callout/purity culture and fandom policing with the same eyerolling/cringing disdain with which we now look back on the whole dashcon phase

Yeah, but we’d probably be tearing each other to pieces over, idk, accusing each other of stealing other people’s ideas with time travel. There has never not been a shitshow in most fandoms.
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2017-10-18 01:34 pm

sillyandquiteawkward: leans in real close smooches x6-88 on his cheek *Leans in for a hug, while...

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sillyandquiteawkward:

leans in real close

smooches x6-88 on his cheek

*Leans in for a hug, while making very sure he’s okay with it*
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2017-10-18 07:09 am

dottewa: thegreatandamazingpapyrus: raynor1337: slimeweeb: blu...

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dottewa:

thegreatandamazingpapyrus:

raynor1337:

slimeweeb:

bluepulserjaime:

lesbianrey:

bethesda softworks is antifa’s HQ actually

Todd Howard is the Antifa High General, actually.

Antifa High Chancellor Bethany Esda

Todd Howard has nothing to do with Wolfenstein. Bethesda is just publishing the game. Machine Games are making the game.

Todd Howard has quite a lot to do with the marketing department at Bethesda, if he didn’t like this he could easily stop it.

Sure but let’s not give him credit for a franchise older than his company keeping on its original trend

Sure, but he’s definitely making a statement with the marketing.
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2017-10-18 06:49 am

roachpatrol: thebibliosphere: clockworkcanary: drst: badscienceshenanigans: firespirited: thebi...

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roachpatrol:

thebibliosphere:

clockworkcanary:

drst:

badscienceshenanigans:

firespirited:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

People adding Nazi apologist shit onto my posts like “but nazis invented cell phones and space rockets so without them we’d be less technologically advanced VuV” like buddy, if you think for one second we wouldn’t have eventually made it to the moon or made instant communication devices without mass genocide then I dunno what to tell you except to get the fuck away from me.

Your kind aren’t welcome here.

Also would I “trade” my cell phone for a world with no Nazis?

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?!?!

I’d trade my own life for a world without nazis. Fuck my phone. Fuck going to the moon. Human life should not be the cost of societal and technological progress.

What the fuck is wrong with you.

??? We’d have probably had cellphones sooner given the amount of inventors, theorists and artists the nazis killed. We’d have been to the moon sooner if we didn’t have segregation. God only knows where we’d be if women were given the opportunity to invent sooner. Disabled people come up with cool stuff too. It’s a whole new world of creation if you value human life equally!

*the sound of a thousand nuclear physicists laughing*Buckle up kids, today we’re talking about why the Nazis never invented the atom bomb. We’re gonna do this

to white supremacist minds.Ok. So the Nazis were all about physics … as long as it was with things you could see & touch. Rockets, improved motors, even radio tech (which gives tangible audio and/or visual results) were awesome and very good careers for good German boys. Theoretical physics, on the other hand, was viewed as made-up Jewish bullshit. The German scientific old guard did NOT like little punks like Einstein. Who did they think they were, running around with their “time is relative” and “the interstellar ether doesn’t exist” and who the shit even cares what’s INSIDE an atom, Albert, it’s not like the INSIDE does anything. JESUS.The Nazis saw modern physics as being the same thing as Freud’s psychology, Klimt’s modern art, and Kafka’s stories: a decadent waste of time, way too Jewish, and definitely not cool or manly. So to combat uncool Jewish science, pro-Nazi German scientists founded an actual movement– “Deutsche Physik/Aryan Physics”– all about real stuff like engines and bombs and it was gonna serve the SHIT out of the fatherland. No Jews allowed.

“Ugh, GROSS.” -NazisJewish nerds who wanted to study physics & engineering had to settle for theoretical physics. And boy did they ever. Niels Bohr, Hermann Minkowski, Wolfgang Pauli, Paul Epstein, James Franck, Rudolf Kompfner, Otto Stern, Leo Szilard, Edward Teller, Victor Weisskopf , Eugene Wigner, Frank and J. Robert Oppenheimer, and some dude named Albert Einstein among others were all turning their lemons into sweet, sticky theoretical physics lemonade in 1920s Germany. Every single one of them, and more, emigrated to the US in the 1930s. Jewish colleagues from Axis Italy, like Emilio Segrè and Enrico Fermi– aka the guy who built the world’s first nuclear reactor, and married to a Jewish woman– joined the brain drain as Europe hemorrhaged nuclear physicists right into America’s warm, heaving, bloodthirsty bosom. 

*artist’s rendition 

Albert Einstein’s application to become a US citizen. Dated Jan 18th, 1936.The few Gentile nuclear physicists Germany had managed to produce– Max Planck, Werner Heisenberg, and Arnold Sommerfeld– were persecuted just for being into Jewish stuff. Like, “were called out in the official SS newspaper for being ‘White Jews’” and “Heisenberg’s mom called Himmler’s mom and told her to tell Himmler to make the Nazis stop being mean to her boy”-level persecuted. That’s right, these badass Reich science dudes couldn’t even do their job without their moms running interference. THAT’s how fucking great the Nazis were at science. Meanwhile the bright lights over in Deutsche Physik were talking about how there’s actually been a bunch of moons and when of the last ones fell down it buried Atlantis and also the sun’s gravity suddenly stops at 3x the orbital radius of Neptune. Like… thank God for those Nazi scientific advances, amirite?

Nationalist German scientists cheerfully joined the persecution of their Jewish colleagues, because Nazi scientists just really wanted Jewish physicists’ jobs. But the bummer was, the Nazi scientists couldn’t handle the mathematics that made relativity work. They were too dumb to do that science. Look– we’ve all been there. But the nationalist German scientists’ approach was– instead of leveling up their game, just discredit everything their rivals did. Declare it dumb, and made-up, and all the good parts of this stuff we just said was dumb and made-up were already invented by Aryans anyway, so why keep Jewish scientists around? Just forget about this atomic physics crap and keep giving us money to talk shit about Neptune, it’ll be great.

“Hahaha wut?” -NazisEventually the Third Reich figured out that atom bombs were a thing and they should probably make one. They put Heisenberg– who, if you’ll recall, just had to have his mom call in an anti-bullying PSA to the Fuhrer’s secretary three short paragraphs ago– in charge. With every single other person who knew about nuclear fission having left Germany years ago, Heisenberg was pretty much on his own. The Nazi bomb project went nowhere. A Nazi Germany with nuclear weapons would been able to do whatever the fuck they wanted.The only thing that stood in their way? Their own. goddamn. antisemitism.

Director of Los Alamos weapons lab and Jewish American, J. Robert Oppenheimer, seen in profile as he oversees final assembly of the Trinity test bomb. Trinity was the first test detonation in the US nuclear weapons program. (x)Is this a post in support of atom bombs? No. This is a post about how being so high on your own inferiority complex that you’re down to murder people smarter than you, will fuck you in assholes you didn’t even know you had. 

Thank you, Science Tumblr, for that deconstruction of Nazi bullshit.

This is excellent as is, but, I need to point out that the USA political situation is in many ways falling into this same hole now. We are becoming xenophobic and anti science at our top political level. The GOP is practically anti reality at this point. We need to fix this.

Holy shit, this is the best addition to any of my posts. 

it’s ironic as hell that people are trying to say ‘oh well it’s because of the nazis we have all this technological progress’ when really it’s a whole bunch of pissed off jews giving nazis the radioactive middle finger that’s the cause of the progress

Also if you don’t think Werner Von Braun won’t have found a way into space Nazis or no Nazis even if he had to strap himself onto a rocket and pedal it the whole way, you don’t know jack shit about Werner Von Braun.
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2017-10-16 04:46 pm

The Terror

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A TV series based on the Franklin Expedition….

…where everyone dies because of a giant snow monster.

Because impossible cold, lead poisoning and starvation couldn’t possibly have killed off so many advanced white people by themselves.
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2017-10-16 05:12 am

there was a post going around saying ""dldr is meant

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… phew. this ask almost passes as a legit question, but the ‘xoxo’ at the end is a little much.  still, what a great opportunity to talk about this ongoing problem of people ignoring warnings that a work contains content that upsets them, then complaining that they were upset when they viewed it.

(first, a side note: don’t censor the word ‘pedophilia’. It’s not a slur - it’s a content warning. If you censor it, the blacklists of people who don’t want to see posts that mention pedophilia won’t catch it and they could be harmed. Just use the word.)

anti-shippers who look at a fic or fanwork’s tags and say ‘this has problematic content! I better go tell the author how problematic their content is!’, I have news for you:

warnings on fanworks indicate that the person creating the work knows the content is ‘problematic’, not for all audiences, and may hurt people if they view it unsuspectingly. stop taking fanwork warnings and tags in bad faith and using them as an excuse to harass and harm creators.

warnings aren’t ‘disclaimers’ (and aren’t used as such). they’re the CONTAINS NAPROXIN. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN sticker on painkillers. The content is good, even helpful, for some people, but for others who don’t need it or are too young to understand what they’re consuming could be harmed. take the warnings seriously and if you don’t like what they say the fic contains, you really are better off not reading/viewing it!

‘they’re not warnings, they’re advertisements!’ they can function as both! people who want to read that content can find it and people who don’t want to read that content can avoid it. everyone is happier, except anti-shippers who are mad that people are enjoying content they don’t personally approve of.

‘If the creator knows their content is problematic, then they shouldn’t have created it in the first place! Or if they did, they shouldn’t have put it on the internet for people to see!’ well that’s a very different conversation. What you’re saying is that you advocate for censorship, and in that case ‘don’t like don’t read’ would be worthless: only things you like would be allowed to exist in the first place.

But let’s talk about how ‘they shouldn’t have put it on the internet for people to see.’ the basis for this is, I know, that it could corrupt the unsuspecting youth who read the bad content. But isn’t this a bit contradictory? if a fanwork is tagged with a warning that it contains abuse, everyone who looks at the fanwork is going to know that 1) the author believes that abuse is bad and needs to be warned for, and 2) the work contains abuse. Taking these points together, no matter how positively the abuse is depicted, a viewer has foreknowledge that it’s abusive and the creator thinks abuse is bad.  It’s simply insulting to imply that viewers will look at the abuse in the fanwork so uncritically as to not think it’s horrible after receiving such a warning.

In fact, I’ve heard anecdotal evidence that people who have been raped or abused (or still being abused) or undergone other harm have read fics with these warnings and because of the warnings, realized what had happened to themselves was not okay.  If anti-shippers had their way, those fics wouldn’t even exist, much less be warned for.

I’m about to say something radical, so brace yourself: 

because tagging warnings is the accepted way to warn people about dangerous content in fandom, the things more likely to cause confusion and harm in fanworks are the things that aren’t warned for.

Even the most positive depiction of abuse would be spoiled by a warning. Can you imagine if the beginning of every copy of Nabokov’s Lolita started with ‘Warning: this work contains depictions of csa, abuse, and child grooming.’ It would force readers who are blind to the hints that the narrator is unreliable to read the work with a very different eye, and I doubt most people would read it and conclude it’s a love story the way many people do today.

Now Lolita was intended to be a kind of monster story from the point of view of the monster - it was never meant to be a positive depiction at all. Nabokov’s work was too subtle for most people, but he was a master storyteller. I think if he could, he’d go back and add a warning so people would stop getting the wrong idea.

In fandom, where we have a widely-accepted tagging system, potentially harmful content that the creator adds deliberately will be warned for. But the potentially harmful content that the creator doesn’t know about won’t be - and that’s the stuff that tends to be a lot more sneaky and insidious.

Let’s take your example: 

“i can be as racist as i want and you have to deal with it because i used a disclaimer".

Racism does crop up a lot in fanworks, but not in the way this implies.  There’s a huge difference between a creator recognizing racism exists and utilizing it as an aspect of a setting or acknowledging it in a respectful, truthful way and a creator who does not recognize their own racist blind spots and therefore ends up perpetuating harmful stereotypes or providing racist narration without realizing it.

The former tends to be warned for; the latter never is because the creator doesn’t even know they’re being racist. The former may be painful, because racism is shitty and harmful and real, but a person can steer clear if they want to avoid it and the warning shows the content is known to be bad. The latter is more painful because it’s not just depicting racism: it is in fact perpetuating racism.

So which is actually worse: the fic that has a warning for racism or the fic that doesn’t?

And this can be applied to anything. A fic that depicts a character being abused but doesn’t warn for abuse tells me that the author doesn’t know the work contains abuse (which is worrying for the safety of the author). A fic that contains dubious consent but the author doesn’t warn for noncon/dubcon/rape tells me that the author has a poor understanding of consent.  These are the fics that are more likely to be dangerous. Fics without content warnings are also the ones most likely to unironically and uncritically depict the bad behavior in a positive light - because the authors have been taught by the rest of society outside fandom that what they’ve depicted is normal/not harmful. They are victims, and they need help, not people yelling at them about how problematic they are.

Two last notes, which I’ll try to keep short:

If a fanwork depicts a relationship that’s canonically unhealthy in a world where it’s fluffy and healthy, they are not responsible for putting warnings on their fic that pertain to the canon version of the ship.  For instance: Kylo and Rey are enemies in current Star Wars continuity and Kylo tried to torture Rey for information. But if a fic is set in a future where Kylo is well-adjusted and happy and dating Rey in a non-abusive relationship, the fic does not need to warn for ‘abuse’. the fic doesn’t contain abuse. Let it go.

No creator is beholden to using anti definitions of words like ‘pedophilia’, ‘abuse’, and ‘incest’ for their warnings. The definition of what antis call ‘pedophilia’, ‘incest’, and ‘abuse’ varies from fandom to fandom - sometimes from pairing to pairing. While tags will always be somewhat subjective, the wide variety of definitions these words have in anti-shipper parlance makes them all but meaningless, so use them when you see fit, not when antis demand it.  If antis have a problem with it, they’ll just have to start treating ship tags as warnings* and avoid all depictions of ships they don’t like. (which is what we all wish they’d do anyway.)

And now for the final irony: every time anti-shippers use warnings as a reason to go yell at people about how their fanworks are bad, antis give creators less incentive to tag warnings. People might start to hope that if they just don’t warn up front for the potentially dangerous content people will stop yelling at them without even looking at the work itself. Or if the work is borderline (’maybe this is abusive but maybe it’s not’), they may opt to go without the warnings so they can avoid the extra trouble. this is already happening with dubious consent depictions. If a noncon warning gets you yelled at, then fics where the consent isn’t completely denied will just not get warned for at all, and that’s fucked up.  And when the warnings aren’t there, people are way more likely to stumble on something of a nature that upsets them! 

So as usual, in their crusade to eradicate all content that isn’t unquestionably wholesome and pure antis make everything a little less safe for everyone. Thanks, guys.  (please stop.)

and creators: please, depict terrible things in your fanworks in whatever light you choose - and warn for them. you might accidentally help save someone from a real situation that’s terrible.

*ship tags also work as both warnings and advertisements, as it happens. Funny, isn’t it?
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2017-10-15 06:11 pm

annethecatdetective: bellygangstaboo: THATS THE POINT OF THE...

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annethecatdetective:

bellygangstaboo:

THATS THE POINT OF THE FUCKING BOOK!

Fuckin excuse me but Boo Radley saved those children, Boo Radley made a fuckin change in his life?? Also the thing Boo Radley had to change was ‘crushing anxiety/agoraphobia and being a social pariah’, not ‘is a racist’ or ‘abused own kid’, like please.

My writing teacher described it as ‘the book that is put on reading lists to make white people feel better’

Like there was a scene where a bunch of people came down to lynch an innocent black dude and these guys were portrayed as wrong headed but fundamentally good, and a woman who screamed racial epithets as ‘a real lady’.

You can yowl about Bob Ewell, but how are people like Walter Cunningham and Ms Dubose seen? Those are the everyday monstrosity of racism in the world, and in the world of To Kill a Mockingbird, they are a-okay.

Like, you can defend this book against nazis, but don’t pretend it’s the fucking Invisible Man, okay?
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2017-10-15 05:46 pm

Fic Tag Game!

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spicysiren:

I was tagged by @smuggler-captain  Fear not, I did not forget about this.  It’s just been forever since I wrote anything down.THE RULE: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic/original/anything!) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence. 

“We call her Hairball Deluxe.  Wanna know why?”
He realized then that he did not want to know why.
(It’s supposed to be a little girl talking about her cat.  Just something that randomly came to me)
I tag: @cell113, @thebisexualmandalorian, @gutterballgt, @kristsune, @sans-seraph, @ambersagen, @rejuvenescenceia, @tricksterangelgabriel, @serbaki, @skull-bearer, @nautolanfucker, @notactuallyherenotreally, @variative, @kaijusplotch,
Argh, I know I know more writers than this, but brain is not braining right now. 

“Oh, shut up.” Tony sighs, rubs his face. “Like I need an excuse for another kid. This one can dig through CCTV data, cellphone footage, whatever- to try and find him.

Join in if you want ;)
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2017-10-13 03:07 pm

FEEDBACK FRIDAY!

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sabrecmc:

Hey everyone!  So, it was suggested that we start doing this, and I think it is a wonderful idea.  This fandom needs to show some love.  I know some of you do it all the time, hallowed be thy names, but some of you read on Kindle or maybe are embarrassed or just forgetful like me.  This is a day meant to inspire you to put all that aside.  Just for one day.  I figure, we’ll do this once a month, so I really don’t think that’s asking too much considering all the amazing content we get to enjoy for free.  Now that I’ve shamed all of us who need to be better about this, let’s get our inaugural Feedback Friday going!

What is Feedback Friday?

A day where we ask fans to leave feedback for their favorite writers, artists or bloggers.  Just one comment.  Just one.  Anything is fine.  It doesn’t have to be War and Peace.  Maybe you love someone’s gif sets or comic edits.  Maybe someone has fantastic meta.  Maybe it is someone you just like seeing on your dash because they make  you smile.  Maybe it is an artist who you imagine their works in your head when you write.  Maybe it is a writer who made you have to put your phone down and walk it off.  Maybe it is just someone who entertained you for 15 minutes while you were on the bus.  Whatever it is, it is time to say THANK YOU to these people who give so much of their time and talent with only the hope of some feedback in return. 

How should I leave feedback?

It is really all up to you.  On Ao3, by a message or ask on their tumblr, by rec’ing a fic or reblogging a piece of art or an edit or gif set with a nice comment, whatever you feel most inspired to do.  

But,  I want to leave more than just one comment!

Great!  Of course, more is welcome, but for today, I’m just asking for one comment.  One.  I have almost 4,000 followers.  Assuming half of you aren’t porn blogs, that would mean 2,000 wonderful messages directed at our fanartists, bloggers and writers. Imagine what a day it would be!  Imagine how many people would be happier AND more inspired to create.  

I feel stupid leaving comments and don’t know what to say!

Go on Anon!  Anon is fine.  If you aren’t comfortable using your pseud, just drop them a nice Anon message.  “I love your art.”  “Your fics are great.”  It doesn’t have to be anything fancy.  Seriously, we are all that desperate for validation.  

Thank you to everyone who steps up and participates.  Fandom is what you make it.  You have to be the kind of fan you want others to be for you, so take the time today to make someone’s day just a bit brighter.  Put something good into the world.  I think it is safe to say, we all need some of that. 
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2017-10-13 09:02 am

roachpatrol: vastderp: restoringsanity: Today, I came across someone claiming that when you make...

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roachpatrol:

vastderp:

restoringsanity:

Today, I came across someone claiming that when you make your original characters suffer in your stories, that makes you an abuser, and people shouldn’t declare original characters their ‘babies’ and then put them in harmful/dangerous situations.

We did it. We finally did it.

We’ve reached peak delusion.

Fiction = Reality.

Congratulations, Tumblr.

Omg.

remember in kindergarden there’d always be the really shrieky kid who would come and tell you that you were playing with the toys wrong and you could make them have a grand mal melt down by throwing a baby doll across the room? now you can have that experience all over again, but forever!

I had someone end a friendship with me because I was writing a holocaust story and that made me a nazi camp guard in her eyes.
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2017-10-11 06:01 pm

OC Ask Game

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Choose an OC!
1: List five basic facts about your OC.
2: Post a line of dialogue from your OC.
3: Post a snippet from your writing that describes your OC.
4: Post a snippet from your writing in which another OC describes your OC.
5: Describe your OC's physical appearance.
6: Describe your OC's love life.
7: Describe your OC's fashion sense.
8: Describe one of your OC's bad habits.
9: Your OC is having a nightmare. What is it?
10: You are conducting a ritual. What 5 items would you need to summon your OC?
11: What does your OC want for their birthday?
12: What does your OC give another OC for their birthday?
13: Describe your OC's living situation.
14: What is one of your OC's secrets?
15: Your OC is given the chance to go back in time. Where do they go and what do they do?
16: If your OC could have any superpower, which would it be and why?
17: How does your OC do during the zombie apocalypse?
18: What is your OC's dream job?
19: Your OC's life is a musical. What's the title of their big show-stopping song?
20: Post a picture or gif that describes your OC.
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2017-10-11 05:41 pm

So I was redownloading Plague INC to see what new means

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So I was redownloading Plague INC to see what new means of death they’d installed, and in the recommended section of the play store, there was a game just called ‘Finally, Ants’.

And I was just… “Okay my dude, I don’t know why you were waiting for ants, but I’m glad they’ve arrived for you.”
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2017-10-10 04:41 pm

headcanonsforcompanions: Because of when the bombs dropped, the Children of the Atom see Halloween..

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headcanonsforcompanions:

Because of when the bombs dropped, the Children of the Atom see Halloween as one of their holiest days, sometimes referring to it as ‘The Feast of The Great Division’

Nate tried to make that happen once, but now he just goes to the Nucleus for his holidays.
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2017-10-09 04:03 pm

also i imagine greyson not believing its her until he sees a knaxe she made attached to her back and

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i actually feel like somehow itd be the other way around??? i know i drew the i lived bitch thing but tbh i. cant see how lana would know it was him. she was an baby when it happened, and also greyson keeps his face covered for the most part as well. she wouldve had to be told this information and who did it which. is entirely plausible but idk how the setup went. greyson on the otherhand could recognize that lana has her same name and is missing her arms as well as her bright red hair and just immediately “hey doesnt this person seem familiar. oh wait”
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2017-10-08 03:17 pm

knightinironarmor: full offense but when you’ve

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knightinironarmor:

full offense but when you’ve got idris elba wishing he was a more active part of the marvel family and “i want to be a superhero” then it’s not even about looking for him when you’ve got a marvel movie in production. it’s not even about that

if you’ve got idris elba wanting to play a marvel superhero then the objectively and morally correct thing to do is to personally call him, tell him to pick A N Y superhero that he wants in the E N T I R E available marvel comics canon and then like you give that character a full complete 3-movie franchise plus 3 guaranteed appearances in the next big crossover franchise. this is what you do. if you’ve got idris elba wanting to play a marvel superhero then this is what you’re supposed to do

Okay but, Marvel has a load of other universes, right? And sometimes they cross over? 

So how about there’s a conjunction of Idris Elbas? Idris Elba as Tony Stark, as Captain America, as the Hulk, as Black Widow- all teaming up from their disparate universes to defeat Loki who is played by… Idris Elba again.
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2017-10-08 03:17 pm

I wonder how much time the poster spends screaming about Game of...

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I wonder how much time the poster spends screaming about Game of Thrones, given it features all of the above and more.
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2017-10-07 08:21 pm

ladykeane: jkl-fff: ladykeane: I’m sorry, I just

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ladykeane:

jkl-fff:

ladykeane:

I’m sorry, I just keep on thinking about a Jeeves and Wooster modern AU and I need to share my feelings soooooooo…..

The millennial Drones would all have their livelihood/passions/income revolve around social media, since that’s the modern equivalent of the no-good-lazy-spoiled-kids-who-won’t-get-a-proper-job-like-their-parents trope. Like, Gussie Fink-Nottle has an instagram, tumblr and facebook account for every single one of his newts, Tuppy Glossop’s a food blogger etc. Gentlemens’ clubs aren’t really a thing for the younger set, so their meeting place is a pub NAMED The Drones, where they socialise and loaf about, sharing selfies and memes and other no-good-lazy-millenial stuff.

Bertie would be big on Youtube and Vine, known for quirky music, comedy and anecdotes, sort of a mix of Phil Lester and Jon Cozart. He’d perform the ludicrous pop songs of today as well as musical theatre - not only Lin-Manuel Miranda and Disney tunes but WELL LEGIT Gershwin and Berlin and`Porter. His friends would all ask him to sing Rat Pack standards at their weddings which he gladly does pro bono.

Jeeves would have gotten himself a scholarship to Cambridge (reading law and philosophy) and wound up as a solicitor, since his calling is basically solving other peoples’ problems and disputes. He would earn himself a reputation as the best of the best and be sought after by peers of the realm and CEOs of large companies for Delicate Matters. Unlike Bertie, who takes to this era like a thingummy to water, Jeeves is still something of an anachronism: impeccable old-fashioned manners, formal speech for all occasions (he even calls the cashier at Pret-A-Manger ‘madam’), and never goes out in public without wearing a button-up shirt & necktie. He has typical Generation Xer stand-offish cynicism, deftly packaged in dapper-as-fuck tactfulness.

I can imagine Bertie, having just gotten over his breakup with Ginger (the cad left him for Magnolia), would meet Jeeves whilst house-sitting for one of the Drones in some fashionable Zone 1 / 2 neighborhood (say Chelsea or Fulham). Jeeves has the flat across the hall and Bertie runs into him while trying to take out the rubbish bins (and failing). Jeeves, of course, effortlessly sets everything to rights, and perceiving how clueless Bertie is in day-to-day maintenance of a household, comes over every day to assist him (and not because Bertie is the most adorable wide-eyed cherub of a twink he’s ever seen - perish the thought!)

As Bertie is a magnet for drama, the neighbours in the building and his fellow Drones inevitably fall upon him with all of their problems - some involving romance, but others involving compromising photos going viral, public gaffes where politically incorrect remarks are uttered, etc. Jeeves and Bertie schlep around modern-day London having light-hearted adventures solving all of these problems. Bertie regales his subscribers with the stories of these adventures, going on and on about how wonderful Jeeves is. In the general on-line community, comparisons are drawn between Bertie’s vlog and the blog belong to the boyfriend of that ‘Hat Detective’ on Baker St.

When the time comes for Bertie to leave the flat he was caretaking, he coyly asks Jeeves if he would take Bertie on as a client at his practice. Jeeves refuses, stating that his principles forbid him to date anyone he’s professionally involved with. It takes Bertie half a day to figure out that Jeeves has asked him out.

From there it’s fluff and music and roses and bickering. They get their flat together in Mayfair and Jeeves feels no reserve about scolding Bertie for leaving bath towels on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink. His sweet otherwordly Bertram is a slovenly man-child who he manages to train. Somewhat. Eventually a kitten is adopted because REG HE’S SO CUTE HE FOLLOWED ME HOME LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE CAN WE GO DOWN TO BATTERSEA AND GET HIM A PLAYMATE OH PLEEEEASE I’LL PROMISE TO CLEAN THE LITTER TRAY AND GIVE YOU HEAD WHENEVER YOU WANT IT

Also he once tried to convince Jeeves to come with him to the Brinkley Court Halloween Party dressed in drag as Elphaba and Glinda, but Jeeves “mixed up “ the order to the online costume shop, so they went in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff robes instead.

They spend rainy weekends playing the piano and cooking and exchanging bants and bargaining about fashion choices and having fantastic sex. To their friends they are ‘Bertie and Reg’ and they are like, omigod, the cutest couple eveerrrr, ikr

Aunt Dahlia is the P-Flag auntie, having been the first person that Bertie came out to. She has always hoped that her young blot will find a good man who can keep him in check (Jeeves is heaven sent to her), while Agatha is the homophbic aunt.

AGATHA: Bertie. You must marry and have children.

BERTIE: For the thousandth time, Aunt Agatha, I’m gay. As much as you wish otherwise, that Lord Arran fellow assured the Empire’s assent of my sexual orientation while you were still in knee socks and fawning over Cliff Richard.

AGATHA: It is a childish phase. It will pass once I find a woman of good breeding who can mould you.

BERTIE: Aunt Agatha–

AGATHA: Mould. You.

She lives in Belgravia and despises smartphones.

Thankfully the 21st Century edition of The Code of The Woosters impels Bertie to tell any prospective female that being affianced to him is inadvisable for multiple reasons.

Also Lady Florence is an SJW hipster and political lesbian who lives in Shoreditch with her girlfriend Honoria. She takes every opportunity to criticise Bertie for drinking sugary Starbucks lattes and wearing T shirts with licensed cartoon characters on them. Bertie often wonders why the hell he’s friends with her.

Bertie’s other queer friends are Bingo (the ultimate panromantic), Catsmeat (just your average theatre geek with a libido the size of Soho) and cousin Eustace (not so much a friend as a tagalong, always getting suspended for hitting on his professors). They sometimes go to G-A-Y, where they are consistently ignored by all the cool clubbers, opting to drink and watch drag shows and throw beer nuts at each other. Marion Wardour is Bertie’s gal pal and sometimes she comes along too, with the aim of hooking up with bi guys (and occasionally bi girls). Otherwise, she’s off singing in fringe musicals.

Spode is a member of UKIP and his wife Madeleine writes awful Winnie the Pooh fanfiction.

I WOULD WATCH THE HELL OUT OF THIS,AND SO WOULD MY MORMON SISTER,IT WOULD BE JUST THAT GOOD!IT WOULD BE THE BEST SITCOM OF OUR GENERATION!

Going to take the opportunity to plug the fic I have been writing of this headcanon :DDD

http://ift.tt/2yxEE71