skull_bearer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
skull_bearer) wrote2011-03-31 06:45 pm
skull_bearer) wrote2011-03-31 06:45 pm
Mass Effect 2 Arrival DLC
As ever, I'll let the characters speak for me:
Mirek: WTFBBQ THAT WAS THE CUTSCENE? Please tell me that was the cutscene, I cannot take any more bad news.
Me: That was the cutscene.
Mirek: Of -
Me: Ten thousand Reapers. Yes.
Mirek: I... thank you for allowing a holiday first.
Me: Thought you'd need it. You spent the entire time thinking up Reaper tactics anyway.
Mirek: So, what now?
Admiral Hackett: So we suddenly admit the Reaper threat is real after two games of ignoring it, and I want you to rescue a mate of mine who has all the evidence but as this is touchy diplomacy you have to go alone.
Mirek: ... sir, can you rethink your priorities?
Hackett: No. Piss off.
Mirek: The only time I've ever gone alone was when I woke up in Cerberus, and that was a disaster. And now, Reapers. Alone.
Me: *shakes game*
Mirek: Garrus, you're going to have to sit this one out, I need someone to run the ship.
Garrus: Understood. Fuck.
Me: Amen.
Garrus: Take care.
Me: It's not going to be the same without your romantic asides.
*Mirek goes to break out Hackett's friend from top security batarian prison*
Mirek: *takes a while to get back into top-form*
Me: *forgets where the pause button is*
Batarians: *are miserable bastards as ever. Die*
Hackett's friend: *is rescued*
Hackett's friend: So we found that the Reapers are going to be entering this ssytem in two days-
Mirek: What?
Hackett's friend: there's a relay here that'll allow them to get anywhere in the galaxy -
Mirek: What!
Hackett's friend: and we found this out because we have a Reaper artifact we've been keeping on show for the last few weeks.
Mirek: Wha- *is knocked out by indoctinated friend and henchmen*
Me: Well shit.
*Mirek wakes up, two days later*
Mirek: There is no profanity bad enough. Calm. Control. Focus.
Me: Dude! Reapers! One hour!
Mirek: You are not helping. Shut up.
Me: What would help?
Mirek: Garrus. Legion. Even Evil Thing 1# and 2#. Blast.
*Mirek wrecks station he's on. The plan was to destroy the relay by colony dropping it before the Reapers got there*
Me: Imagine if we hammered it just as a Reaper was using it, there'd be bits of Reaper from here to the Citadel.
Mirek: Considering what one Reaper artifact did here, how would this be a good thing?
Me: Point. It also says that if we smash the relay, it'll probably destroy everything in the system.
Mirek: So what? The Reapers would kill them anyway when they get here in... half an hour.
Me: Mirek, we're in the system!
Mirek: Acceptable losses. Reapers remember.
*Mirek gets the asteriod on course, Hackett's Friend turns up*
Me: Hackett needs to choose his friends better.
Hackett's friend: *monologues*
Me: Mirek, shoot her!
Mirek: The game isn't giving me that option!
Me: WTF she's right in the open and Reapers are coming! Shoot her!
Game: *Completely fails to give us a chance to shoot her*
Hackett's friend: *sabotages asteriod*
Me: STUPID GAME!
*Mirek fixes asteriod, Hackett's friend comes in a second time*
Me: SHOOT HER THIS TIME!
Game: *Finally gives us the option, in Renegade quick-time in fact.*
Hackett's friend: *dies*
Me: AT FUCKING LAST
*mad race for shuttles*
Mirek: *is stranded*
Me: Quick, the comm tower, we've got a few minutes, we can call the Normandy!
Mirek: Quick, Normandy! I need pick up, we-
Harbinger: WE ARE NOT AMUSED
Mirek: NO! That was not who I wanted!
Me: Dude, seriously wrong number!
Harbinger: WE WILL PONTIFICATE IN DIALOGUE TOTALLY RIPPED OFF FROM SOVERIEGN
Mirek: Do these creatures have a hive-mind?
Me: Fuck knows, probably the games developers were feeling lazy.
Normandy: *turns up*
Reapers: *you would have thought they'd been in sight by now, no sign*
Entire star system: *blows up*
Hackett: Fuck man what the hell happened! I sent you to rescue one person and the system goes boom!
Me: You went to Mirek. Things go boom. It comes with the territory. You don't use a nuclear bomb the flatten your garden and you don't use Reapers to make milkshakes.
Hackett: You're going to have to take heat for this, otherwise we'll have a human/batarian war.
Mirek: Yes, of course. I hate the entire galaxy right now.
Me: Can you try someone who's legally dead?
Mirek: As far as to make them actually dead, yes.
Me: Fuck.
Mirek: I never thought I would say this, but I hope the Reapers hurry up.
Me: Go and fuck Garrus or something. Break needed.
Mirek: WTFBBQ THAT WAS THE CUTSCENE? Please tell me that was the cutscene, I cannot take any more bad news.
Me: That was the cutscene.
Mirek: Of -
Me: Ten thousand Reapers. Yes.
Mirek: I... thank you for allowing a holiday first.
Me: Thought you'd need it. You spent the entire time thinking up Reaper tactics anyway.
Mirek: So, what now?
Admiral Hackett: So we suddenly admit the Reaper threat is real after two games of ignoring it, and I want you to rescue a mate of mine who has all the evidence but as this is touchy diplomacy you have to go alone.
Mirek: ... sir, can you rethink your priorities?
Hackett: No. Piss off.
Mirek: The only time I've ever gone alone was when I woke up in Cerberus, and that was a disaster. And now, Reapers. Alone.
Me: *shakes game*
Mirek: Garrus, you're going to have to sit this one out, I need someone to run the ship.
Garrus: Understood. Fuck.
Me: Amen.
Garrus: Take care.
Me: It's not going to be the same without your romantic asides.
*Mirek goes to break out Hackett's friend from top security batarian prison*
Mirek: *takes a while to get back into top-form*
Me: *forgets where the pause button is*
Batarians: *are miserable bastards as ever. Die*
Hackett's friend: *is rescued*
Hackett's friend: So we found that the Reapers are going to be entering this ssytem in two days-
Mirek: What?
Hackett's friend: there's a relay here that'll allow them to get anywhere in the galaxy -
Mirek: What!
Hackett's friend: and we found this out because we have a Reaper artifact we've been keeping on show for the last few weeks.
Mirek: Wha- *is knocked out by indoctinated friend and henchmen*
Me: Well shit.
*Mirek wakes up, two days later*
Mirek: There is no profanity bad enough. Calm. Control. Focus.
Me: Dude! Reapers! One hour!
Mirek: You are not helping. Shut up.
Me: What would help?
Mirek: Garrus. Legion. Even Evil Thing 1# and 2#. Blast.
*Mirek wrecks station he's on. The plan was to destroy the relay by colony dropping it before the Reapers got there*
Me: Imagine if we hammered it just as a Reaper was using it, there'd be bits of Reaper from here to the Citadel.
Mirek: Considering what one Reaper artifact did here, how would this be a good thing?
Me: Point. It also says that if we smash the relay, it'll probably destroy everything in the system.
Mirek: So what? The Reapers would kill them anyway when they get here in... half an hour.
Me: Mirek, we're in the system!
Mirek: Acceptable losses. Reapers remember.
*Mirek gets the asteriod on course, Hackett's Friend turns up*
Me: Hackett needs to choose his friends better.
Hackett's friend: *monologues*
Me: Mirek, shoot her!
Mirek: The game isn't giving me that option!
Me: WTF she's right in the open and Reapers are coming! Shoot her!
Game: *Completely fails to give us a chance to shoot her*
Hackett's friend: *sabotages asteriod*
Me: STUPID GAME!
*Mirek fixes asteriod, Hackett's friend comes in a second time*
Me: SHOOT HER THIS TIME!
Game: *Finally gives us the option, in Renegade quick-time in fact.*
Hackett's friend: *dies*
Me: AT FUCKING LAST
*mad race for shuttles*
Mirek: *is stranded*
Me: Quick, the comm tower, we've got a few minutes, we can call the Normandy!
Mirek: Quick, Normandy! I need pick up, we-
Harbinger: WE ARE NOT AMUSED
Mirek: NO! That was not who I wanted!
Me: Dude, seriously wrong number!
Harbinger: WE WILL PONTIFICATE IN DIALOGUE TOTALLY RIPPED OFF FROM SOVERIEGN
Mirek: Do these creatures have a hive-mind?
Me: Fuck knows, probably the games developers were feeling lazy.
Normandy: *turns up*
Reapers: *you would have thought they'd been in sight by now, no sign*
Entire star system: *blows up*
Hackett: Fuck man what the hell happened! I sent you to rescue one person and the system goes boom!
Me: You went to Mirek. Things go boom. It comes with the territory. You don't use a nuclear bomb the flatten your garden and you don't use Reapers to make milkshakes.
Hackett: You're going to have to take heat for this, otherwise we'll have a human/batarian war.
Mirek: Yes, of course. I hate the entire galaxy right now.
Me: Can you try someone who's legally dead?
Mirek: As far as to make them actually dead, yes.
Me: Fuck.
Mirek: I never thought I would say this, but I hope the Reapers hurry up.
Me: Go and fuck Garrus or something. Break needed.