2019-01-25

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2019-01-25 05:13 am

You know you had a weird night when you wake up overwh

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You know you had a weird night when you wake up overwhelmingly grateful you didn’t actually manage to make radium.
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2019-01-25 05:13 am

sandersstudies: sandersstudies: sandersstudies: sandersstudies: sandersstudies: I found a...

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sandersstudies:

sandersstudies:

sandersstudies:

sandersstudies:

sandersstudies:

I found a document from 1652 that’s just a guy talking about how women are better than men and wow he’s a little confused but he got the spirit.

Literally every man in 1652: If she breathes, she a THOT!

This one random guy: All women are queens!

This idiot who loves women a lot: you see…women are perfect…you can tell because when they fall down…God made it so they usually fall on their back…which hurts less and prevents them from damaging their beautiful faces…wow women are so smart and beautiful

This absolute dumbass who treasures women with his whole soul: you know how sometimes women…are bad? It’s actually just proof that they are way more powerful than men and they could totally kill us if they wanted to but they don’t because they’re just that nice they literally don’t need us for shit

For those wondering, the document is called “The Glory of Women” OR “A Treatise declaring the excellency and preheminence of Women above Men, which is proved both by Scripture, Law, Reason, and Authority, Divine and Humane.”

Yeah. That’s the title.

Who the fuck was this man’s wife?
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2019-01-25 05:23 am

diocletianscabbagefarm: When Napoleon escaped from Elba and returned to France in 1815 the official.

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diocletianscabbagefarm:

When Napoleon escaped from Elba and returned to France in 1815 the official government newspaper Le Moniteur’s headlines read as follows, and you can just feel the gradual process of ‘oh shit’:

9th March, the Anthropophagus (man-eater/cannibal) has quit his den

10th, the Corsican Ogre has landed at Cape Juan

11th, the Tiger has arrived at Gap

12th, the Monster slept at Grenoble

13th, the Tyrant has passed through Lyons

14th, the Usurper is directing his steps towards Dijon, but the brave and loyal Burgundians have risen en masse and surrounded him on all sides

18th, Bonaparte is only sixty leagues from the capital; he has been fortunate enough to escape the hands of his pursuers

19th, Bonaparte is advancing with rapid steps, but he will never enter Paris

20th, Napoleon will, tomorrow, be under our ramparts

21st, the Emperor is at Fontainbleau

22nd, His Imperial and Royal Majesty, yesterday evening, arrived at the Tuileries, amidst the joyful acclamations of his devoted and faithful subjects.

My favorite is the fact that basically all the troops they sent to stop him defected the moment they met up.
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2019-01-25 05:48 pm

symbrock prompt: "you couldn't have mentioned that earlier?"

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Sequel to this fic

“Okay.” Eddie closes his eyes. “I’m- pregnant, right?”

“Yes.” Venom is half melted against him, occasionally squirming in pleasure. 

“And- you couldn’t have mentioned it earlier?”

“We did not expect it to happen. Usually, we take your gender. Your people are very malleable.” He slinks down and nuzzles Eddie’s stomach.

“Yeah yeah.” Eddie finds Venom’s head, and strokes him. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“You are carrying my eggs,” Venom purrs, “Of course you love me.”

Eddie stops, eyes snapping open.

“You said- eggs. Of course it’s eggs.”

“You do not lay eggs?”

“No we don’t lay fucking- okay. Okay.” Eddie pulls in a deep breath through his nose, out through his mouth. “I don’t know why I was expecting anything else.”

“I am sorry, Eddie.”

“No, it’s okay. I should probably not be so okay with this, but- I’m the one fucking an alien, I should expect alien eggs.”

“It is very common.” Venom grumbles. “How do you spawn, anyway? You cannot use mitosis.”

“Live babies.” Eddie sits up, and dares to prod at his stomach- is it a bit more swollen than before?

“Live- how?” Venom looks offended. “Where do you keep them?” He noses up Eddie’s chest, over each nipple and- okay, one good thing about eggs, he’s probably not going to get tits. He hopes.

“In here, babe.” Eddie prods his stomach. “Nice and warm.”

“But how do you protect them?” Venom presses against his belly, nuzzling his belly button and tracing the line of hair that makes him shiver. “There are no bones! What if you fall, or something hits you?”

Eddie opens his mouth to say something but- Venom’s got a point. Eggs are probably safer.

“You see?” Venom settles down, satisfied. “Much better. Your clutch will be safe, and it is very warm in here.”

Eddie wonders what to say to that and just- gives up. This is his life now, and- weird as it is, it’s pretty good.