Iron Man 3

[skull_bearer]

Well, that was an incoherent, schizophrenic pile of crap.

I mean, I actually don't know where to start. I can basically remember the plot of IM2, and I saw that something like 6 months ago and I fully admit it wasn't that great. This one? It's been less that six hours and I still don't have a clue what the hell I watched. Really, watched is too kind a term, 'suffered through' or 'had inflicted on' is more accurate.

This is, as far as I can recall in this state of bewilderment and slowly dawning NERDRAGE FROM HELL, is how it went down:

Tony: My past is coming back to haunt me!
Me: Cool! AIM, I know these guys. And Extremis! This is going to be epic!
Tony: I'm suffereing from PTSD!
Me: About time too.
Tony: Which is being played for comic relief!
Me: wat
Film: See Tony take another pratfall! And groin strikes! Everyone llikes groin strikes!
Me: What the fuck.
Pepper: I am totally unlikeable and threaten to leave Tony when he comes clean and explains he actually has a problem!
Me: Ummm
Mandarin: I'm using the symbol of the Ten Rings!
Nobody: Actually comments of this.
Me: Umm Tony? Ten Rings? The guys who kidnapped you? Hello?
Tony: *is an idiot*
Me: Ah, back to form.
Creepy guy from AIM: I appear to be driving a wedge between Tony and Pepper which seems pointless because tthe wedge is already there and is ten miles wide.
This whole subplot: Goes nowhere. Get used to it, we'lll be seeing it A LOT!
Mandarin: *Blows up mansion*
Dummy and bots: *die totally unmourned*
Tony: *has humerous pratfall*
Pepper: Wears suit for ten fucking seconds. That's all folks' sorry if you were expecting Pepper kicking arse or anything. LOL no she's back to damsel in distress*
Me: Begins to realise this film is going to suck. Starts texting and tweeting warnings*
Tony: Is dead. No, really. No one saw the huge flying metal suit escaping. No one. really. All that press was just there for show.
Tony: *Crash lands. Humerous pratfalls ensue among sad music and mourning*
Most annoying kid ever: I am being cute and stuffed down your throat harder than that fucker from the second Indiana Jones Movie. You will want to force-feed me my own eyeballs after ten minutes.
Film: He is cute! HE IS CUTE! He and Tony bond over daddy issues.\
Me: Die. In. A. Fire.
Film: *gets really weird, now burning people are aafter Tony because Extremis has trhe healing power of fire now for some reason. I don't know how they know he's still alive because this film is making less fucking sense than XM3 at this point. Oh, and Pepper is kidnapped, because what else is she there for?
Tony: Has humerous pratfalls, invades enemy territory with equipment made of Christmas ornaments and toys.
Me: Am headdesking royally.
Mandarin: Is actually a random bundle of British stereotypes created by AIM to cover up the fact that Extremis sometimes makes people explode, only not because this is all a scheme for AIM guy to get revenge on Tony for standing him up once, only not because AIM actually wants to kidnap the president of the US and burn him alive in oil because reasons.
Tony: *calls up hundreds of suits that would have been REALLY USEFUL around the beginning of this film. You know, when YOUR HOUSE WAS BEIING BLOWN UP.
Pepper: Gets Extremis-ed, appears to die only everyone fucking knows she didn't.
Bad guy: Dies about six times, I stopped paying attention after the third attempt.
Pepper: Suddenly turns into action-hero girl and can use the suit even though Tony said five minutes ago it was coded only to him.
Tony: I love you. I will now destroy the Iron man suits.
Iron man suits: Explode like pretty confetti.
Tony: I will now fix Pepper. Fuck knows how. It's not explained. I will also now have basic surgery to remove those inoperable shards of shrapnel in my chest. You know, the ones I nearly died from int he first two films.
BUT I'M STILL IRON MAN
Me: So totally done with this film.

I have read, and am currently writing, fic that is less cracky than this shit. This is a huge steaming pile of fail. It has some good ideas, but none of them are resolved. Tony with PTSD? Not resolved? Iron Man? A hobby and waste of time. Avengers? Barely mentioned? Bruce? Not mentioned at all. Everything seems like it came from about seven different films. There were good ideas? The Mandarin being a joke was actually very funny and probably the only way you can make a Mandarin without Yellow Peril. But it was painfully stupid, and devolved into pratfalls at the most inappropriate times. It was a mess. I felt insulted watching it.

Going to be ignoring that one folks.

Comments

[sorion.livejournal.com]

Okay... so from the two people I know who've seen it I got a "THE MOST AMAZING THING IN HISTORY OF AMAZEMENT" and "INCOHERENT PIECE OF CRAP"... XD

[synekdokee.livejournal.com]

Huh. I agree on your plot points (when the house blew up I said to myself "can't he use the other suits?!"), but aside from Pepper's "I get to use the suit but only to keep myself passively safe and walk this other chick to safety" bit, I disagree on all the character points. I think Pepper was well within her rights to want time off after Tony's "oh okay fine I have massive emotional trauma and tried to totally manipulate you five seconds ago" confession. And still, when Tony told her to stay, she stayed!

I also thought the kid was blissfully un-annoying, which was my friend's reaction too. I suppose it's a mileage thing. I enjoyed him though, and I didn't really feel like the were trying to play the "daddy issue" thing there at all.

Tony's PTSD *was* played for laughs, but I think it was also allowed to have actual serious impact on his character development. Basically what his whole relationship to the suits was! I agree though, they didn't resolve it in any way, like was the fact that he dealt with another disaster on his own the "cure"? Eh.


Sigh I love Jarvis tho.

Also I have to admit that since I'm not comic-savvy admittedly my main interest in the franchise is Suit Action and RDJ haha.


ETA: I may have fridge-logicked the suit incongruity regarding the whole coding thing. Does Pepper use blown-up bits of the Mark 42 to fight the Big Bad? Because that suit wasn't around when Rhody requested a suit so it could be that?

[partytimexelent.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. Your description....was pretty accurate.

I think you and I are the only people on the planet though that didn't like it too much. I wouldn't call it a "pile of crap" per se, but I did go into it with extremely low expectations given the crappyness of IM2 and the awesomeness of Avengers.

Oh Pepper.... just..... ugh, maybe it's my intense dislike of Gwenyth Paltrow or how poorly they're writing her character or something but, ugh, why did they go down this road? It didn't make sense to hook them up in the comic books and it still doesn't make sense in the movies. And I swear to god I'm the only one in the UNIVERSE that thinks she and RDJ have zero chemistry and are super awkward together. I *loved* their relationship in the first Iron Man movie, they were fucking spot on, but now it's like.... she's a completely different character or something, and not in a good, badass way that she is in the comics. And like you said, she was in the suit for maybe 6 minutes and that was it. She was back to being shirtless (wtf?!) and the damsel in distress.

But what really, really pissed me off was the stupid ending. He blew up his suits. He blew up his multi-million dollar suits. For Pepper. I nearly fucking walked out, what was THAT about?! They're going to have to bring Iron Man back for Avengers 2 (cause, come on, RDJ is never going to willingly give up playing Tony Stark and Hollywood's not going to give up their money-maker), and when they do, they're going to spend some time convincing Tony to get back in the suit. And that, that's going to piss me off because it's a fucking Avengers movie, not Iron Man 4. If they had to cut Steve's scenes from Avengers, we better not have Tony redemption scenes in Avengers 2.

Seriously, the first one was good because it was pretty close to the comics. I don't know what the hell they're doing anymore, it's all just held together by explosions and pretty special effects and RDJ's facial expressions (and body, let's be honest. Damn he fine). What the hell are they going to do next?

The last scene was worth waiting for, though! I really like how Bruce and Tony are buddies in the movies, even if they really dislike each other in the comics. (Which makes sense given their personalities but I guess the movies aren't going down that road...?)

Ugh. Just..... ugh.

[kathie-d.livejournal.com]

Bruce was after the end credits!

[squeeful.livejournal.com]

The one thing I am going to have to vehemently disagree with is the anxiety and PTSD needing to be "resolved". They don't work that way and it's insulting to people with mental health issues to expect it to be solved/resolved in the course of a film that takes place over, what, a week? Tony does develop some coping mechanisms (though, wtf, they appear to be the SAME ONES he was using at the beginning that weren't working?), but there isn't going to be a ta-dah! moment and then they go away. It's one of the better things about the film.

It would be a better film (barring the plot holes) if it weren't, you know, part of an already existing continuity. It doesn't line up, even taking into account character development and change.

[iloome.livejournal.com]

Oh, my god, finally somebody who isn't in love with this movie. Your post is pretty much a description of my reactions throughout the movie. I mean, I was trying to see the hour at my watch, because it was so senseless and stupid and boring and I just wanted for it to finish... I loved 616!Extremis, so it was that much worse. And he did actually blow up the suits, didn't he? It wasn't just some nightmare I dreamt when I fell asleep after the millionth scene which was intended to be funny but was just pathetic? I couldn't believe it while watching it and I still can't. Tony Stark, Iron Man, blew up all of his suits. Wtf? No, it wasn't romantic or anything, it was just stupid.
For a short while I was happy they finally adressed his PTSD, but then they made it into yet another funny-not-see-it-is-funny-why-don't-you-see-it thing...
Sorry if it's not really coherent, I watched it not even an hour ago and am so disappointed...

[tardiscrash.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I thought I was the only one who hated it.