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On Age Differences in Shipping
Feb. 10th, 2019 05:42 amvia http://bit.ly/2SnQECp
taraljc:
littlesystems:
The biggest argument I’ve seen on here against two consenting adults* in a relationship is that said relationship is unhealthy, and therefore should not have a place in fandom. This has been applied to a lot of different pairings for different reasons - villain characters, mental illness, incest - but I think the one that gets the most attention is age differences.
The logic goes like this: age differences are always unhealthy and are therefore also immoral, and we cannot “normalize” this bad behavior lest the children (think of the children!) think that age differences are okay in real life.
If this is you, I have some news that’s gonna rock your world: age differences ARE okay in real life. People marry people older than themselves every day! Right now there are millions of people all over the world in relationships with 3+ years difference between partners and that’s okay. Your personal values - that everyone should be in a relationship with someone close to their own age - are not everyone’s personal values. And, your personal values are inherently subjective yardsticks with no real inherent meaning other than that which you ascribe to them.
“But age differences are abusive!”
Nope. Nu uh, no way. You can have a relationship with 2 people born on the same goddamn day that’s a dumpster fire and you can have a healthy and loving relationship between people with 10 or 20 years between them. Saying otherwise is the worst kind of conservative republican pearl clutching, and if that statement surprises you then you need to take a step back and look at what you’re advocating.
My sister and her husband are six years apart. My parents, 12. I have a friend whose parents have a 26 year age difference. Do you find that personally gross? Maybe - who cares! It’s not your life, and no one else is telling you that you have to marry someone you find old and gross. But it is every person’s individual right to be with the person that they want to (provided that that person is also a consenting adult), and saying “but I don’t think they should be allowed to be together because I personally find it icky,” is literally the far-right’s justification against the LGBT community.
“But what if one of the people is really young and the other is really old!”
Is the younger person a legal adult? Yes? Then it’s not your problem! Is it unhealthy? Maybe! Power dynamics can be complicated, but complicated ≠ immoral. Half the fun of fandom is taking two people that don’t automatically fit together and figuring out how to make that work.
Do large age differences have the potential for abuse? Sure! Is that abuse pedophilia? That depends - did you answer “yes” to the question about being a legal adult? Then no! It’s not pedophilia! If neither character is a minor, then it’s not pedophilia! Period! End of story!
I made a post talking about a 40 year old dating a 50 year old, and got this comment:
“it’s creepy to normalize such large age differences, yes, and such relationships can have their roots in pedophilia, but they’re not always such”
Pedophilia has GOT to stop being everyone’s go-to word for “things that I personally dislike” because there is literally no way in which a 40 year old dating a 50 year old can be pedophilia. The power dynamics between someone that’s 20 versus 30 can be complicated. But 40 and 50? The difference in power and shared life experiences are negligible.
Your personal feelings of disgust ≠ objective morality.
If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
*two consenting adults, two consenting adults, two consenting adults - everything written here is about two consenting adults. I better not get people on here saying that I’m advocating for children in relationships with adults, I s2g.
It’s not abuse, it’s not pedophilia, YOU JUST HAVE A SQUICK! Own it!
taraljc:
littlesystems:
The biggest argument I’ve seen on here against two consenting adults* in a relationship is that said relationship is unhealthy, and therefore should not have a place in fandom. This has been applied to a lot of different pairings for different reasons - villain characters, mental illness, incest - but I think the one that gets the most attention is age differences.
The logic goes like this: age differences are always unhealthy and are therefore also immoral, and we cannot “normalize” this bad behavior lest the children (think of the children!) think that age differences are okay in real life.
If this is you, I have some news that’s gonna rock your world: age differences ARE okay in real life. People marry people older than themselves every day! Right now there are millions of people all over the world in relationships with 3+ years difference between partners and that’s okay. Your personal values - that everyone should be in a relationship with someone close to their own age - are not everyone’s personal values. And, your personal values are inherently subjective yardsticks with no real inherent meaning other than that which you ascribe to them.
“But age differences are abusive!”
Nope. Nu uh, no way. You can have a relationship with 2 people born on the same goddamn day that’s a dumpster fire and you can have a healthy and loving relationship between people with 10 or 20 years between them. Saying otherwise is the worst kind of conservative republican pearl clutching, and if that statement surprises you then you need to take a step back and look at what you’re advocating.
My sister and her husband are six years apart. My parents, 12. I have a friend whose parents have a 26 year age difference. Do you find that personally gross? Maybe - who cares! It’s not your life, and no one else is telling you that you have to marry someone you find old and gross. But it is every person’s individual right to be with the person that they want to (provided that that person is also a consenting adult), and saying “but I don’t think they should be allowed to be together because I personally find it icky,” is literally the far-right’s justification against the LGBT community.
“But what if one of the people is really young and the other is really old!”
Is the younger person a legal adult? Yes? Then it’s not your problem! Is it unhealthy? Maybe! Power dynamics can be complicated, but complicated ≠ immoral. Half the fun of fandom is taking two people that don’t automatically fit together and figuring out how to make that work.
Do large age differences have the potential for abuse? Sure! Is that abuse pedophilia? That depends - did you answer “yes” to the question about being a legal adult? Then no! It’s not pedophilia! If neither character is a minor, then it’s not pedophilia! Period! End of story!
I made a post talking about a 40 year old dating a 50 year old, and got this comment:
“it’s creepy to normalize such large age differences, yes, and such relationships can have their roots in pedophilia, but they’re not always such”
Pedophilia has GOT to stop being everyone’s go-to word for “things that I personally dislike” because there is literally no way in which a 40 year old dating a 50 year old can be pedophilia. The power dynamics between someone that’s 20 versus 30 can be complicated. But 40 and 50? The difference in power and shared life experiences are negligible.
Your personal feelings of disgust ≠ objective morality.
If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
*two consenting adults, two consenting adults, two consenting adults - everything written here is about two consenting adults. I better not get people on here saying that I’m advocating for children in relationships with adults, I s2g.
It’s not abuse, it’s not pedophilia, YOU JUST HAVE A SQUICK! Own it!
