Dear Colour of Magic...
Mar. 24th, 2008 10:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skull_bearerDear Rincewind: You were cast fairly well, and your actor could actually, y'know, act. Which is more than you could say for most. However, I don't know how you could run any distance, let alone at the speed your famed for. I also get the feeling we're meant to think you're a lot better at magic that we know you are, and that the spell was your only drawback. You were a lot older than you should be and we cheated of that great Trymon fight scene at the end, and were saved by Twoflower for pete's sake. You was robbed.
Dear Twoflower: Please stop being so American. You're meant to be Chinese, or probably more Japanese. Still you pulled off the attire perfectly, your shirt was the brightest thing on screen.
Dear Luggage: You were perfect, if slightly less pychopathic than usual. Hooray for you and your little legs!
DEAR DEATH : PLEASE BE BEING A LITTLE MORE 'DEATH' AND RATHER LESS CHRISTOPHER LEE. KTHNX.
Dear Vetinari: I didn't know you had a lisp? Still you looked perfect, you acted perfect, and you had Wuffles. That's enough for me, the rest is just nit-picking.
Dear Cohen: I love you. You were perfect. It was as though someone had just lifted you straight from the pages of 'The Last Hero'. You were love. :D
Dear Bethen: Your part was small, both in the book and in the film, but you were perfect, if a little mroe blond than I was expecting. This worked to your advantage though, and you were lovely. Thank you.
Dear Trolls: While I really missed the whole 'onions' scene, with the sweet little baby troll and the sense that trolls were actually fairly decent creatures, at least you were CGI-correct.
Dear Librarian: It was a shock to see you in human form, but you were perfect in every respect. The constant 'they're going ape!!11' lines elicited nothing more than a bored sigh, but your appearence and speech were funny. I knew it would be a relief to become an ape, although after than tansformation we barely saw you :( I know I wasn't the only one disappointed.
Dear Sea Troll: Where were you? You were one of my favourite characters in the first book.
Dear Bel-Shammeroth: You was robbed worse than Rincewind.
Dear Ankh-Morpork: You there only for a little while, but you were Ankh-Morpork, the one fantasy location I would love to visit more than any other.
Dear everyone in and connected to the Wyrmberg: You suck. Go and die in a fire. Woman, your acting was worse than everything I've ever seen. It was nails on slate. The dragons were cool though, there were done very well.
Dear Atuin and baby turtles: While the whole 'mummy!' thing was a bit overdone and rather too sappy, and you looked rather too CGI, it was the scene I was most looking forwartd to seeing, and I would be lying to say I was disappointed.
Dear Plot: Thank you for being roughly accurate, if slightly rushed. Like a sports car on a high-speed racetrack, you were sometimes hard to see, occasionally clumsy but mades up for it by some truely amazing feats of acrobacy. It wasn't always perfect, but you did a better job of it than most book adaptations out there.
And most of all,
Dear Trymon;
Oh dear gods... WHO WAS DOING THE CASTING??? THE KKK? What are the odds that the only coloured character happens to be the bad guy? WHAT ARE THE ODDS? I could overlook it except... you weren't even Trymon. You were some random mix-race bad guy who cackled and scemed and there was no sense whatsoever than the other wizards were just as bad as you. You were not the bad guy, you were just a wizard who was arbitarilly (due to skin colour) chosen to be the bad guy. Trymon's evil came from his constant wish for order in a world where it doesn't work. He was Ponder Stibbons on steroids. They did try to get that for you, but it was 'pasted on YAY!' and the film dwelled a great deal more on how many wizards you had offed in getting to your position, COMPLETELY FORGETTING that all the other wizards were guilty of the same. And you killed Spolder. That was unfair. He killed himself through idiocy.
Okay, I might be making a think about the whole colour thing, particularly since you aren't all that black, but the camera would always swoop in close to get the best view of how 'dark' (pun not mean) you were.
Oh yeah, and we were robbed of your absolutely EPIC end fight with Rincewind. I mean, come on, they could make a scene where great atuin watched all her/his babies being born, would it be too much to see you and Rincewind duking in out in an ampitheatre filled with dungeon dimension creatures, and with you as a giant insect thing? Instead you PWNed Rincewind in a waaaay too evil way (please, grey area. Where?) and got your head chopped off by Twoflower of all people. Not cool. Not kosher.
And your eyes? Still there. I loved that image! It was the ultimate sign that you'd gone one step too many, and we actually felt sorry for you, because you were no longer 'you' but a tool of the dungeon dimentsions. Pterry knowns how to write horror when he needs to. He knows what is scary and what is true evil. You were neither. You were a Rowling villian. For all we know, you were a right evil bastard a-la-Voldemort from a start, rather than a talented and ambitious wizard with one 'epic' idea too many. Fucki them with a 'subtlety' pole.
But then, you were black. It figures.
Dear Twoflower: Please stop being so American. You're meant to be Chinese, or probably more Japanese. Still you pulled off the attire perfectly, your shirt was the brightest thing on screen.
Dear Luggage: You were perfect, if slightly less pychopathic than usual. Hooray for you and your little legs!
DEAR DEATH : PLEASE BE BEING A LITTLE MORE 'DEATH' AND RATHER LESS CHRISTOPHER LEE. KTHNX.
Dear Vetinari: I didn't know you had a lisp? Still you looked perfect, you acted perfect, and you had Wuffles. That's enough for me, the rest is just nit-picking.
Dear Cohen: I love you. You were perfect. It was as though someone had just lifted you straight from the pages of 'The Last Hero'. You were love. :D
Dear Bethen: Your part was small, both in the book and in the film, but you were perfect, if a little mroe blond than I was expecting. This worked to your advantage though, and you were lovely. Thank you.
Dear Trolls: While I really missed the whole 'onions' scene, with the sweet little baby troll and the sense that trolls were actually fairly decent creatures, at least you were CGI-correct.
Dear Librarian: It was a shock to see you in human form, but you were perfect in every respect. The constant 'they're going ape!!11' lines elicited nothing more than a bored sigh, but your appearence and speech were funny. I knew it would be a relief to become an ape, although after than tansformation we barely saw you :( I know I wasn't the only one disappointed.
Dear Sea Troll: Where were you? You were one of my favourite characters in the first book.
Dear Bel-Shammeroth: You was robbed worse than Rincewind.
Dear Ankh-Morpork: You there only for a little while, but you were Ankh-Morpork, the one fantasy location I would love to visit more than any other.
Dear everyone in and connected to the Wyrmberg: You suck. Go and die in a fire. Woman, your acting was worse than everything I've ever seen. It was nails on slate. The dragons were cool though, there were done very well.
Dear Atuin and baby turtles: While the whole 'mummy!' thing was a bit overdone and rather too sappy, and you looked rather too CGI, it was the scene I was most looking forwartd to seeing, and I would be lying to say I was disappointed.
Dear Plot: Thank you for being roughly accurate, if slightly rushed. Like a sports car on a high-speed racetrack, you were sometimes hard to see, occasionally clumsy but mades up for it by some truely amazing feats of acrobacy. It wasn't always perfect, but you did a better job of it than most book adaptations out there.
And most of all,
Dear Trymon;
Oh dear gods... WHO WAS DOING THE CASTING??? THE KKK? What are the odds that the only coloured character happens to be the bad guy? WHAT ARE THE ODDS? I could overlook it except... you weren't even Trymon. You were some random mix-race bad guy who cackled and scemed and there was no sense whatsoever than the other wizards were just as bad as you. You were not the bad guy, you were just a wizard who was arbitarilly (due to skin colour) chosen to be the bad guy. Trymon's evil came from his constant wish for order in a world where it doesn't work. He was Ponder Stibbons on steroids. They did try to get that for you, but it was 'pasted on YAY!' and the film dwelled a great deal more on how many wizards you had offed in getting to your position, COMPLETELY FORGETTING that all the other wizards were guilty of the same. And you killed Spolder. That was unfair. He killed himself through idiocy.
Okay, I might be making a think about the whole colour thing, particularly since you aren't all that black, but the camera would always swoop in close to get the best view of how 'dark' (pun not mean) you were.
Oh yeah, and we were robbed of your absolutely EPIC end fight with Rincewind. I mean, come on, they could make a scene where great atuin watched all her/his babies being born, would it be too much to see you and Rincewind duking in out in an ampitheatre filled with dungeon dimension creatures, and with you as a giant insect thing? Instead you PWNed Rincewind in a waaaay too evil way (please, grey area. Where?) and got your head chopped off by Twoflower of all people. Not cool. Not kosher.
And your eyes? Still there. I loved that image! It was the ultimate sign that you'd gone one step too many, and we actually felt sorry for you, because you were no longer 'you' but a tool of the dungeon dimentsions. Pterry knowns how to write horror when he needs to. He knows what is scary and what is true evil. You were neither. You were a Rowling villian. For all we know, you were a right evil bastard a-la-Voldemort from a start, rather than a talented and ambitious wizard with one 'epic' idea too many. Fucki them with a 'subtlety' pole.
But then, you were black. It figures.
