skull_bearer: (Default)
[personal profile] skull_bearer
Spent the evening getting flogged with various whips. Did not get a sexual high out of it, but it was very satisfying. My back is rather red. I am not sure there is a name for people who like getting hurt but don't find it sexy, so I am calling it Kroenen syndrome after the only person in my head who can relate.
I also do find it depressing that I can face a man with a bullwhip perfectly calmly but the idea of anyone touching me sexually freaks me out. My therapist suspects I may have buried sexual trama which I can't remember. This is also somewhat depressing.
I am going to Poland next week, Auschwitz visit 3#. This is not at all depressing.
I don't understand myself sometimes.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-04 03:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lupie-stardust.livejournal.com
I was going to leave a comment here, but I've emailed it you instead.

tmi?

Date: 2009-01-04 03:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sookail.livejournal.com
Well, sex is scary. It is opening yourself up to another person, giving him/her a kind of specific power over you. Pain`s easier.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-04 03:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] long-knife.livejournal.com
Hmmmm...I get no excitement from being whipped/flogged either. I once had a Domme give up flogging me because she couldn't get a reaction from me. From that day forward I am Dom.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-04 06:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shadowvalkyrie.livejournal.com
You have a place to just go and walk into when you feel like getting flogged? Without a membership or anything? O_o Well, I suppose living in London has perks like that. *somewhat envious*

As to the non-reaction part: I suppose it depends on which expectations you went into the whole thing with. If you expect pain, that's what you get; sexy doesn't work when the brain isn't in the right mode for it.
The other explanation is distinctly scarier. Like you need repressed trauma in your life on top of everything... On the other hand, if it turns out to be true (which I cross my fingers for you it won't), you have something concrete to work on, as well as a possible explanation for a lot of your issues. Have you and your therapist come up with any possible ways to try to remember? Hypnosis or something?

In any case: *platonic hugs* If there's ever anything I can do to help, just tell me, please?

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-04 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] notrafficlights.livejournal.com
You're a masochist. The word itself doesn't actually have any sexual connotations in its pure form, but has come to be associated due to bdsm etc.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-05 02:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deviantcreature.livejournal.com
Just so you know, whips take a LOT of room and skill to work. Also they get pricey. Glad you enjoyed the experience, you were very still and quiet! Hope we get to talk before you go...

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-05 05:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skull-bearer.livejournal.com
Uh... yes, I know. I was the one being flogged, remember?

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