Snippet from the scene I've just written
Nov. 6th, 2009 02:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
"You know the punishment for. Thieves in the camp. Johannes?”
Schwartz calling him by his first name. Johannes can’t help but swallow this time. His fixes his gaze just behind Schwartz’ cap, staring at the wall. “Loss of privileges sir.”
“For inmates. Dieter. Not guards.”
His stomach clenches. “Death sir.”
“Just as well you. Are not an inmate. Yes Johannes?”
“Yes sir.”
“See that it remains that way. Your leave is cancelled. Dismissed.”Dear Schwartz. You are evil even for an SS. Case dismissed. You are probably the most fucking evil person I have ever written, simply because you are so human.
Brrr.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-06 05:27 am (UTC)I've love the tension in this snippet, but the short sentences threw me slightly. Is that part of Schwartz' manner of speaking (in which case I could probably accept it if I had a few pages to get used to it) or did Dieter steal all the commas? :)
I like the barely disguised pun, that Schwartz is black-hearted and if you chop the t out of his name it means "black."
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-06 02:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-06 02:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-06 03:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-06 03:13 pm (UTC)And on Schwartz' way of speaking, in Johannes' words:
"Stiff, hard, sardonic, each breath ends with a snap, like an involuntary full stop. It’s like listening to a telegram being dictated."
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-06 02:02 pm (UTC)And humans end up doing what they think is evil to one species which ends up under-impressed and proceeds to outdo them. >.>
Revcel.