Favourite quotes:

[skull_bearer]

Just selected favourites from the mass of quotes I have saved on my computer and wanted to share.

--Ducktape is a force; it has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the world together.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -- Hunter S. Thompson

"Guards! Off with his pants!" 

"The internet? Infinite monkeys with keyboards, but no bloody Shakespeare yet."

To do is to be - Socrates
To be is to do - Plato
Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra

(Star Wars episode one) The Republic's "Ambassadors" are two fanatical, heavily-armed  religious nuts with elite commando training and the ability to invade  your mind and manipulate your thoughts. They say they are here to negotiate. -Lori

When I said death before dishonour, I meant alphabetically.

quoth the server: 404

(Song of Ice and Fire) What the hell do the Stark's say when winter is upon them? They can't say "Winter is coming," they'd sound like fools! Does it officially change to "I told you so!" What is going on here? 

"Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe halted."
Error #6676556.25: Reality.sys corrupted
Universe Reset. Reboot (y/n)? (If you see an albino with a black sword, tell him to come over and sort this one out)

You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation. 

Let chickens loose in The Pentagon while jumping around and shouting "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"

Contrary to popular belief, school is NOT a way to educate the youth of the nation. The government is trying to warp small brains into becoming their slaves, bent to obey the evil political demands of the current hypocritical government. 

All is well that ends terribly. 

Outside of a dog, man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read. 

Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.  

Fiction is our own reality. 

Where subtlety fails, we must simply make do with cream pies. 

Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked. (only a handful of people actually get this one)

(Quoted from Raistlin Majere) Prepare to bow before my invincible irony and sarcasm.
"Lord, grant me the patience to deal with jackasses I see everyday...the serenity to put on a fake smile...and the knowledge to hide the bodies."

Give me immortality or give me death. 

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that a hostage situation? 

Do not stare directly at the sun…unless it stares at you first.  At which point, standard staring contest rules apply.

Plan for world domination: Clip the paperclips in every government office around the world into loops. Then take over world while former leaders are busy trying to find the ends of the paperclip loops.

(From Erin from Venus Envy) Anyway, the mere mention of the phrase 'Transgender Agenda' brought to mind visions of scheming transsexuals in overstuffed chairs, stroking their fluffy cats and discussing international hormone prices, affecting the corporate world through their hordes of closeted crossdressing minions and enforcing their decrees with the ruthless (and highly glamorous) efficiency through an elite clan of Drag Ninjas!

When I meditate, I envision a clear, deep pool ... where a nude men's water polo match is in progress.

Piracy: Hostile take over without the paperwork.

Slash everything that moves, and if it doesn't move, Slash it anyway, it might move later... -The Barbarian code.

No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love.  The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.  ~Rita Mae Brown, speech, 28 August 1982

It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain. ~Francis Maude

There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love.  That's completely untrue.  Everybody wants to be loved.  ~Boy George

If AIDS is a divine punishment does that make lesbians God's chosen people?

"Cthulhu for President 2004 – Don't Settle for the Lesser Evil!" -US Presidential Campaign

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
- Chris Rock

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they're just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a f*ggot?" --Jon Stewart

Comfort the disturb, disturb the comfortable.

Canon to Fanon: It's never gonna happen.
Fanon to Canon: You have the romantically emotional range of a teaspoon.

~Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.~ 

"It's not stealing. It's borrowing without the intent to return."

"I like to tell people I have the heart of a little boy, in a jar on my desk." (Stephen King)

I'm sorry Mr Bush I can't hear you 'cause your head is so far up your ass.

~If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where to find me

"Its ten years since I went out of my mind. I'd never go back." Ken Dodd

Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that themselves are sane - Ambrose Bierce

The wheel is turning but the hampster is dead.

The truth is out there, but I forgot the URL.

Artificial Inteligence is no match for Real Stupidity.

On the internet no one can hear you scream.

Tell your boss what you think of him, and the truth shall set you free -Unknown

God is dead. -Nietsche
Nietsche is dead. -God

I become insane, with intervals of horrible sanity - Edgar Allan Poe

"God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them!"

Last night I was gazing up at the stars and I had to ask my self, where the heck is my roof?

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." -Voltaire (1694-1778)

Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.-- Bumper sticker

"If my theory of relativty is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew"-Albert Einstein 

"The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces."-Maureen Murphy

What's the difference between fiction and reality? Fiction must make sense.' -- Tom Clancy

Don't expect mere proof to sway my opinion.

Can open. Worms everywhere

Of course I'm out of my mind, it's dark and scary in there!

Less bombs. More art supplies

If war is the answer we're asking the wrong questions.