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[personal profile] skull_bearer
I- I’m not sure. I would say it was destroying the Institute but I don’t feel… pride for that? It’s just too big, too- overwhelming. Besides, it wasn’t really something I did, it was me and Desdemona and Z1-14 and that’s only the beginning, hundreds of people and synths had a hand and my role might have been important but- so was theirs? If it wasn’t for them I’d be back to my old plan of tossing a bunch of radioactive isotopes into the fresh water supply. Which would have been a disaster, now I think about it. 

It was something I was part of, it was incredibly important and I’ll never feel sorry I did it, but so was building Sanctuary’s waste pipes, and that was at least less disgusting. I don’t feel proud of what I did, I mostly feel sick about what I saw, and what I was part of, even unwillingly.

I think- I know it’s self centered, and doesn’t really have much on an impact in the world in general, but- I think the thing I’m most proud of is managing to eat again. I mean, it’s not much, I can manage an egg and a mutifruit most days, but it’s the first major victory I’ve had over the mess in my head. It’s going to be a long road, but at least there is a road, and I’ve managed a first step.

October 2017

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