Mad Dogs and Englishmen

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1. What is one word to shut them up?

Murderer. He is. Not in the Commonwealth, that’s self defence, but before. Murderer. The minigun white hot in his hands, the bodies scattered in flecks of blood and white exsanguinated flesh. Present weapon, soldier. Advance. Fire at will.

(what a joke. What will?)

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about?

No. He’s not going to think about it. He doesn’t want to. You can’t make him. Make it stop make it stop make it stop-

The family is screaming at him. The gun is out but he hasn’t fired yet. The aquifer under their farm is almost pumped dry now, one of the last unpolluted wells in the northern US. The heavy pipes grunt and cough as they reach the bottom and the woman falls to her knees, screaming at Nate what are we going to do what are we going to do-

Die. Starve as the crops fail. Slow poison from the radiation that’s leaked into everything now. Watch as her children’s hair and teeth rot and fall out or stake everything they have on the blackmarket because only the military can afford radaway. Her face is etched into the back of Nate’s mind, a Hiroshima cameo.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced?

Losing his mind, little by little, scrap by scrap. The first few months were the worst because he was still himself, he could watch himself is horror as he lost thought, knowledge, awareness, broke down cog by cog. Worse, some of these memories actually survive.

4. Describe their worst nightmare.

He is still at his desk in CIT. Before, it was a radio. His roommates and classmates are laughing at him. He built that radio himself, and now it’s in pieces in front of him. Come on, can’t you fix it? You’re not one of us, go back to the jungle- and he can’t. He could, just a few weeks ago he could have done it with his eyes shut but now- he can feel the pills gnawing away at the back of his mind, tiny worms, eating him to nothing.

He blinks, and it’s not the radio any more. He’s lookign into Nick’s black, dead eyes, his body, laid out and torn open and nothing but spare parts and he can’t fix him-

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

On the surface, Nate fears losing his mind again. It’s something he guards against, and never goes near chems or alcohol. For repressed, he’s afraid of losing the people he cares about, and Nick in particular. For deep dark- well, he fears remembering. He doesn’t want to remember. Everything he’s seen already is so horrible, he doesn’t want to see any more.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick?

It comes from when Nate finally goes to the Institute for the first time, and meets a Courser. These people, these synths- they are his fault. He was the first guinea pig the Institute used, when they were still CIT, that ended with the torture these people were living through.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves?

Not so traumatising, but Nate really doesn’t like his hair. It’s curly, but not curly enough to get a good afro or dreadlocks, and tends to get quite greasy and dirty. Nate washes it a lot, and keeps it very short.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them?

It’s hard to know. There are so many things. Sometimes Nate feels like he’s living in a minefield, he knows where some of the dangers are- power armor, miniguns, food- but there are so many more, hidden below the surface and the only way he knows is when they go off.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness?

Nate is not strong. His bones are frail from lack of food and break easily, he can’t run very far without needing to stop and can’t carry much weight. He also tends to get sick more easily.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness?

Well, his PTSD mostly, but he also has a few ticks and compulsions that put him at risk: he has a tendency to fixate on one thing to the exclusion of other, more important problems- he’d focus on picking a lock even as a hoard of feral ghouls are crashing down on them, and even when he gets his gun out, he’ll focus then on just killing ghouls and not notice, say, the deathclaw that’s just joined the party.

11. Do they have any vices?

Anger. Nate’s fixations carries over to emotion and he finds it very hard to break out of intense emotion. With anger, Nate just- loses any middle gears. It’s not just that he kills, but he draws it out, plays with the person he’s after like a cat with a mouse. It takes a lot to get Nate that angry, but Nick was pretty horrified at Nate’s behaviour when the time comes to sack the Institute. He’s never seen Nate so utterly without mercy and seeming almost to delight in hurting the humans there.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it?

Being gay. Because that was apparently a crime back then. Nate is very glad it isn’t here.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them?

Probably Greed. Not for money, or material goods but for everything. He wants every experience, he wants every pleasure and joy and everything he couldn’t have before. He just wants, so, so much.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… )?

Oh yes. Nate tries to keep these away from other people- for angry moments he tends to try and go to somewhere quite and throw rocks- but a lot of the time the emotions just sneak up on him and he overloads.

15. Who do they hate the most?

Shaun. All the things he’s done, all the lives he’s ruined and tortured and enslaved and destroyed. The revolting, toxic arrogance of him, the emotionless, soulless cruelty. And he is Nate’s fault. Nate made him. Nate is never, ever going to breed again.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?

Nick, often. Also Preston to some extent. Nate doesn’t mind, he hasn’t got a huge ego and is happy to consider them better people than he is; kinder, more moral, and learn from them.

17. What sound always gives them a headache?

That stupid fucking Civilisation song Travis always plays. It’s a racism pile of shit and Nate hates it. They’d been standing on top of that building, watching the Institute go up in a mushroom cloud, and Nate thought this moment would be perfect… then-

Civilisation, I’ll stay right here!

Fuuuuuuck!

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them?

Nate is not a fan of sweet things. Fruit sweetness is okay, but when it comes to processed sugar or honey it’s just too much for him.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly?

No. Nate likes his appearance for the most part. Yes, he’s very skinny and you love to have better hair, but on the whole he likes his body.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable?

Well, Nick loves him, and Nick is a much, much better person than Nate could dream of being, one of the best people in the world, so clearly he is worthy of love. And incredibly lucky.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety?

Before the Institute was destroyed, he was incredibly worried for his friends. Dima and Arcadia, the Railroad, all the friends he has in Sanctuary. Nick. The Institute was hunting them and Nate was deliberately putting himself in their path. He was terrified of what the fallout might be to those he loves.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses?

Yes. Nate has PTSD, a form of anorexia and is on the autistic spectrum.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped?

Yes, he can’t remember it, but he can imagine it. Nora smiling at him, asking would you like to and him nodding, mindless as a cow in a field. Yes. Yes. Whatever you want. Tell me who to kill, who to fuck, when to die. Add more pills to get him to-preform, and wash, rinse and repeat until Shaun came. Brrr. What a sick, foul time.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped?

It’s not a huge fear, but yes, it’s something Nate does live with. There are plenty of foul people in the commonwealth who’d jump at the chance to hurt people any way they could. He’s had a lot of threats shouted at him in firefights- synth fucker, wait till you see what we’ll do to you- but so far, all his would be rapists have had their heads blown off by Apex.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?

Mom. Dad. Nate can still remember their eyes, as they walk into the police station. He’s still in that red dress, now tatty and filthy. Tony and cold and terrified. His parents; eyes are cold, his father’s mouth thinned with rage. Dad-

I could shoot you right here. Spat back. Nate’s mouth snapped shut, buckled down and buried himself in his red rags, nodded and agreed to everything his father decided. Yes, I’ll take the pills. Yes, I’ll sign up for the tests. Yes. Yes. Yes. His father’s eyes, murderous with rage. He didn’t know how to say no. Soon enough, he forgot how to. 

26. Have they ever been seriously injured?

A few times, but nothing he hasn’t been able to fix. A few bad falls, a Deathclaw that came too close, too fast. Nate binds himself up, shoots down a few stimpacks, carries on.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital?

Nate has no idea. He went a lot to the medical center in CIT, testing every few months and marking down his slow mental and physical collapse. He probably went to ordinary hospitals too, in the war, after getting shot up and hurt, but he can’t remember them.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them?

Arrogance. He likes confidence, but when someone is gone to the point of never questioning themselves, never considering they could be wrong or the people they are hurting.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them?

Well, there are a lot of dangerous things in the commonwealth, so not being able to see them would be quite scary. Nate does fear what he cannot remember, he knows they’re bad. He also knows that the only way the is going to heal, in the long term, is to face he remaining memories. He doesn’t want to.

30. Have they ever been bullied?

He was a brilliant, nerdy black kid in a lower class school. Yes, Nate got bullied. It didn’t affect him too much because he had good support from his parents and teachers. It got a lot worse when he got to CIT, where he was a brilliant nerdy black kid in a university of privileged, not quite so smart white people. Nate managed to deal with the worst of it to begin with, but after the pills, after he started to decline- well, he cant remember most of it. That’s a good thing.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues?

Not so much, he is a little self-conscious about his lack of sexual experience, but for the most part, Nate is comfortable with who he is.

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents?

Nate’s parents are dead, so that doesn’t really count. The last he remembers of them was them handing him over to CIT for the pill treatment, so- yeah, it didn’t end well.

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well?

There was Nora, but Nate doesn’t know what that relationship was like. She might have been kind to him. She might have been cruel. He wouldn’t have been with her if he’d had any choice in the matter, regardless.

34. Have they ever self harmed?

No, although he does wonder if his struggle with food is a form of self harm, anorexia as a way of asserting control over his own body.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

Not having an eating disorder. It would be such an enormous relief, not to have to plan everything he can eat, judging constantly how much he can manage, trying to stave off the worst of the damage with stimpacks and purified water. It’s exhausting, even before taking into account the endless hunger he lives with.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them? Nate’s emotions are entirely in control, luckily, most of his emotions are positive. He’s usually exploding with joy and warmth and being friendly, with negative emotions, Nate tries to hide them, but it’s a struggle.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away?

Freedom, and free will. For five years.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned?

Only briefly, overnight in a police station, but it was the last time he was really free, too.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do?

Not really, no.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems?

Not usually, Nate tries to keep his actions in context. If he causes a problem (like the time he accidentally freed a sentry bot) he will fix it. He will fix other people’s problems, but won’t blame himself for them. The one exception is Shaun. Yes, he was a product of the Institute, no, Nate didn’t have any influence over who Shaun became. Nate didn’t even consent to making him in the first place. But Shaun is still his son, and his responsibility. What he did, feels like Nate’s responsibility.

41. Do they get sick often?

Yes. Nate always keeps a stash of antibiotics on hand because he is vulnerable to infections and disease. Luckily, since meeting Curie, she’s been helping him a lot with preventative medicine.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life?

Very much. Nate is very happy with his life. He is very, very lucky.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts?

He wishes he could go back to his past self, the shattered seventeen year old being dragged down a dark, dark path and tell him- it’s going to be okay. It’ll be horrible for a while, but everything will end soon and the world will be unimaginably better. He’ll be happy again. He just has to hang on, survive, just keep going.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

Read. Nate misses reading. He doesn’t have much time for it now, and the book selection is a lot more limited. Nate would love more books.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience?

 Joy. Nate is a pretty happy person, and has a lot of what he needs to be happy. He likes the world. He has skills and abilities that are useful. He does work he enjoys. And best of all, he has friends and lovers to share it all with.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide?

Not really in that thought about it, when he wanted to die, it was almost impossible to think, but-

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide?

Once, maybe a year before the bombs fell. Nate isn’t sure how it happened, but for a moment, he was able to regain some- sense of self. It was so horrible he couldn’t even comprehend it, get his fractured mind around what he had become. He had gone into the washroom, found a bottle of bleach, and drank down as much of it as he could manage. Codsworth found him and called an ambulance.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill?

Oh, lots of people. The Commonwealth is dangerous and a lot of killing is pure self defence. He would happily kill the entire adult contingent of the Institute, though.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through.

If he was dragged back to that police station, seventeen again. Nate would grab the policeman’s gun and blow his own head off rather than go through that again.

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Luckily, humans have odd ideas about what to do with their free time. Newt had walked past this shop several times and had gone in before, marveling at what humans- so far removed from pain and fear-  enjoy doing.

The cuffs are very solid, Newt went with thick bands of stitched leather, with padding on the inside. Newt is careful as he tightens them around Hermann’s ankles, the strap between them passed through the basement railings.

Hermann sits up on his elbows, looks up at him. Newt crouches down beside him, close, but just out of reach. “Ready?”

“Never.” Hermann sighs, and closes his eyes.

When he opens them again, there’s someone else behind them.

Newt goes cold all over. Panic claws at his stomach and he wants to run, every instinct screaming to get away before those claws flash, those jaws sink into his throat-

He forces himself still, breathless and lifeless as those sharp eyes cast over him.

He’s looking for a threat. He can read that much. Newt hunkers down, trying not to look dangerous. It’s a waste of time, he can’t hide anything from those cutting, killing eyes.

But whatever they saw seems to have been enough, because the Victor’s taut muscles relax. He rises on all six legs, turns his back on Newt and oh Newt can breathe again, because the Victor would never, never turn his back on anything he wanted to kill.

The Victor takes a step, the leather ties snap tight and it stops, back legs nearly torn out from under him. He turns his head, eyes wide.

A tremor begins in his hindquarters, rising up the length of that long, lean body. The Victor moans, shuddering, it pulls at the restrains, but not with the terrible strength Newt has seen before. But a helpless, limp, trembling motions, barely rattling the D rings.

Newt suddenly wonders if Hermann had ever been tied up before, and knows, sharp as a tooth, who had done it.

What had done it.

Newt is down by his feet in moments, he ignores the huge talons, the lashing tails, and unbuckles the straps. Hermann hurls himself free in less than a heartbeat, clawing away and backing up against the wall.

Newt hesitates for a moment, then follows him. He crouches in front of him, looks into those dark, wild eyes. The Victor blinks at him, fearful and lost.

“Hey,” Newt whispers, “You’re okay.”

The Victor stares at him, he doesn’t understand. Newt tries to send warmth and comfort through the Hive, it seems to work, the huge claws slowly creep back into their sheathes, then long legs are drawn up to the ridged chest,

Newt sits beside him, he reaches up and gently nudges his hand closer and closer. The Victor’s eyes follow his hand, close when he rests it on his shoulder, rubs gentle circles on the junction of shoulder and neck.

There’s a heartbeat between them, his arm a bridge between them. Then suddenly, the Victor moves.

Newt doesn’t have time to run, when suddenly he’s on him, the lean weight of him, the claws pressed tight against his chest, the teeth pressed tight against his throat. Newt closes his eyes- hopes it will be fast-

But the claws don’t dig into his tender belly, the teeth don’t bite. Instead, the Victor curls into a tight little ball against him, trembling, a low moan breaking through his throat.

He’s crying.

“Hey, hey.” Newt’s hands tremble, but he puts them around the Victor anyway, pulling him close. “It’s okay. They aren’t here, just us. It’s okay, it’s okay.”

And maybe some of that made it through the Hive, because the Victor’s eyes close, and he goes lax against Newt, the trembling slowly fades.

Newt holds him tight, whispers nonsense into Hermann’s shoulder until, pressed tight as they can together, no breath between them, they sleep.

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They fan out across the sky, close enough that their wings almost touch. Newt is a little higher, flying small circles around them and keeping his eyes on the ground. 

Stacker is riding Herc, lying flat down on his neck in full harness. He’s got a spyglass to one eyes, following the roads lining the swollen Totten river.

Hermann is leading them, his shoulder muscles are tight from this long flight, but he hasn’t said a word. Newt hesitates, wondering if he should suggest a break. By the Living and the Unborn, Hermann is beautiful. The armor hides the worst of the scars, and the way he flies- a long, rippling motion like sunlight on water, like a ray in the deep sea.

He looks up, meets Newt’s eyes, and gives a tired smile. Newt smiles back and-

“South-southwest!” Stacker shouts, “Five tails wide, south riverbank!”

Newt sees them. A huddle of Mountlings, two, maybe three Wisichers. They are on what’s left of a bridge, carried away by the floods. they are so far over that their tails are almost hanging into the waters.

Newt is about to dive, but Stacker holds up a hand. “Hold.” He’s scanning the area around with the spyglass. “They aren’t flying over,” He growls, “Why aren’t they-”

As if in answer, one of the Wisicher does exactly that. She spins around and launches herself off the bridge. Her wings flare in a dark, gleaming rainbow of colours, ripple and dance with every desperate beat-

The bolt hits her in mid flight.

A cry splits the air, and Newt only realises after a moment that it came from him. The bolt hits the dragon just under her wing joint, and seems to burst, a mesh of netting wrapping around and snaring the wing. She shrieks, and drops like a stone.

“Alexis- get her!” Stacker shouts, and Herc echoes it. The white furred Polora dives down to the river. “Everyone else-”

He breaks off, because Hermann had swept down into a dive.

“No!” Newt shouts, and drops after him. He can see the soldiers now, the sun glinting off the steel arms of their bolt thrower. He’d only ever heard of these things- had barely believed they existed-

Hermann doesn’t hesitate, he swings over the terrified dragons, and a gout of white flame bursts from his jaws.

The wet tree bursts into clouds of billowing grey smoke, blinding and choking. Newt lands with a bone-jarring bump, the mud sucking and splattering his armor. “Go!” He shouts to the frozen crowd- “Fly, quickly!”

“There are-” One of the Mountlings looks at him, her eyes rolling in panic. “We saw three, mounted- they’re here-”

“Go!” Herc lands hard beside him. Sasha is with Hermann, tearing out the hunting nest. Pieces of metal clatter, smoking, out of the hollow. One of the soldiers tries to climb out and Hermann spins, so fast Newt barely sees him move, and his tail catches the man on the back. He screams, spinning through the air to be sucked down into the dirty brown river. He doesn’t come up.

Horns blare. Hermann rears up, wings flaring, his eyes are wide, white and rolling. Flame is raging around his jaws red on the smoking black blood there. He shrieks, and spins around, stumbling down to the road.

“Prince, stop him!” Stacker shouts. Newt pounces and lands on his back. Hermann howls and his claws lash out- then stop.

Newt looks into his eyes. The fear, the terror. Was that the last thing he heard, before his family was murdered? Those same horns? “It’s okay.”

Another blare, shrill and brassy. Hermann shudders.

“We do this together.” Herc growls. He prowls forward, nudges Newt and Hermann gently behind him. “Sasha?”

“Thirty horse, some of those bolters.” She lands almost on top of Newt, her thick fur damp and spotted red with blood.

Stacker looks at the huddled mass of starving, exhausted dragons. “Go,” He says, more gently. “We’ll take them.”

This seems to work. Maybe it’s finally sank in that the rescue has arrived. They flail over the river in wild, desperate wingbeats, crashing into the far back and crawling away into the thick brush.

Alexis soars over them in return, a fine rain of filthy water dropping down. He’s more grey than white, shaking himself like a wet dog and spraying Herc, who hops and flares his wings in disgust. “She’s on the North bank, safe.”

Stacker nods, “We have a patrol coming.” He looks around, carefully. “Prince Newt, on the right. Charge their flank on my order. Alexis and Sasha- I’m sorry, but there’s a good muddy bank down there, hunker down and wait for them to come abreast. Herc and I will hit them face on and- Prince Hermann?”

Hermann trembles, his wings rise, tail lash.

“Stay at our side.” Herc says softly, “We need your fire.”