Mad Dogs and Englishmen

via http://ift.tt/2c3LZ1Z:
Soo I’m finally writing again, have some Avengers fic.

Bruce/Tony, very much G rated. Inspired by a kinkmeme prompt and this pic:

http://ift.tt/2cpP8Hx

Tony doesn’t have time to really see which of their numerous enemies has invaded the tower today. He turns around from rooting in the fridge at the first explosion- and just in time to see the Hulk charge, roaring, towards him.
Tony feels his body go limp around him, his brain catch in a groove and skip a few tracks. The only thing that runs through his head, as the Hulk bares down on him, is- shit, Bruce is really going to hate himself-
Then Hulk grabs him around the waist and tucks him up against his chest, lashing out with his free arm to smash the refrigerator across the room.
It explodes.
Then the microwave explodes.
The kitchen is so full of smoke Tony can’t see what else is going off like hand grenades. He huddles against the Hulk’s chest and screws his watering eyes shut. What is this- Ultron gone Kitchen Nightmares? Some technomancer with a penchant for domestic appliances?
He doesn’t get to find out, the Hulk roars again, punches through the wall, and-
The Hulk’s body tenses, the massive muscles seem to vibrate under him. Tony grits his teeth and takes a deep breath.
The wind howls in his ears as the Hulk jumps, the air cuts through Tony’s mouth and nose, freezes his throat.
The Hulk reaches the top of his arc, and falls.
Tony squeezes his eyes even tighter, clings on, and tries not to whimper when the Hulk’s crushing landing jars every bone in his body.
Three horrible, world-ending jumps, and the Hulk slows down. He grunts. punches the ground, then lets Tony go.
Tony flumps to the grassy ground, rolls over, and throws his arms out to embrace the earth, shivering. The ground is damp and cool, smells fresh and calming. His fingers sink into the crumbling earth, his arm bumps into the solid stalk of something. Above him, he can hear the Hulk grunting happily, thumping around the field, a bee buzzes nearby.

Tony gathers himself, and focuses every ounce of self control. Slowly, he manages to open his eyes.
After seeing nothing but terrifying red shadows behind closed eyes, the light is bright and almost blinding. Tony blinks, and the light resolves itself onto a blazing blue sky, and dappled green leaves shadowing it. Tony blinks, and slowly, gradually, manages to sit up, his stubborn fingers dragging up clods of earth.
He draws in a breath, and slowly, the screaming in his ears starts to calm down.
“I don’t think I’m going to be giving up the suit anytime soon, big guy.” He manages, swallows twice, and is proud he manages not to be sick.
The Hulk grunts, invisible behind a wall of green stalks and leaves. Tony thinks he sees a flash of massive green feet- but here, the Hulk is in perfect camouflage. Tony pulls out his Avenger card, and sends out a signal- tower attacked by exploding appliances, safe with Hulk, in a field of- he looks up and spots the nodding flowers above him, sunflowers at this location.
That seemed to more or less sum it up.
Tony looks down at himself, and takes a deep breath. Come on legs. He fumbles with the thick stalks of the sunflowers, stumbling upright. The sunflowers are so tall he’s barely tall enough to look over them. There’s a road not too far away, a plane soars over high above, and the air is full of bees and the rustling of leaves.
It’s- pretty peaceful , actually, and after that nightmare ride, Tony is quite glad of it.
And ‘peaceful’ isn’t an adjective that should be applied anywhere the Hulk is in. Tony looks around. “Hulk?”
There’s a grunt, but no big green nearby. Tony pushes the sunflowers aside and stumbles towards the sound. “Come on, big green, what’s this? Hide and seek?”
Another grunt, but it sounds amused. Tony shrugs. “Okay, ready or not, here I come-”
There’s a crunching of stalks, and the Hulk suddenly gets up, grinning. He’s festooned with sunflowers. He’s got them in his hair, tied around his arms, shoulders, everything. He’s like a giant walking floral shrub.
The barked laugh takes Tony by surprise. The Hulk chuckles, and pulls out a gaint bundle of sunflowers, holding them up proudly.
“Some farmer is gonna be pretty angry.” Tony pushes his way through the flowers. “I think you’d single-handedly jacked up the price for sunflower oil-”
The Hulk growls, and holds out the flowers.
“Um, yeah?” Tony blinks at the Hulk, uncertain. “Very nice? Very you, big guy. Can’t see you with some daisies or something-”
Another grunt, the flowers are jiggled more pointedly. The yellow petals fan, the rich brown heads bob. “Yours.” The Hulk points at him.
Oh. Tony blinks, holds out his hands and the flowers are poured in, a massive bouquet he needs to wrap his arms around. He’s never been given flowers before.
The Hulk grins happily. “Pretty.” He nods, and pats Tony on the head. “Gold.”
“Yeah,” Tony smiles, back, “Like the suit? Good thinking.”
The Hulk grins, and picks him up. It’s very different from the last time he did it, big hands oddly gentle around Tony’s waist, pulling him up free of the flowers. Tony tenses a moment, then relaxes, lets himself be cradled in a bower of big green arms and sunflowers.
“Save Tony.” Hulk says happily. “Give flowers.”
“Damn right.” Tony sighs, and it’s probably stupid, but right now he’s never felt safer. “My hero.”
“Hulk a hero.” Hulk nods, “Save Tony, give flowers.”
“A real romantic hero.” Tony agrees, patting his arm, he shifts the flowers around to get comfortable, and settles in to wait for the Avengers to pick them up.
He’s going to buy Bruce a whole flowershop when they get back.